Stranger danger

By shit - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself, "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard, "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud, or that I wasn't alone. FML
I agree, your life sucks 17 721
You deserved it 31 746
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Top comments

alaaloo_fml_fml 0

I hate public restrooms. For that reason in particular. It's awkward going, knowing someone is right next to you. And usually out of all the empty stalls, they choose the one next to yours haha :p

48 0
stronghand0331 17

You had to pep talk your way through dropping a duce? It usually comes naturally to people...

40 3

Comments

marmlr339 14

lol agreed. YDI for talking to yourself OP, but FYL for the embarassment...

0 2
ortega_fml 0

did you challenge him to a game of battle *****?

17 1
Marvin_Android 0

Sounds disgusting. However, since it's a natural bodily function and all of your nasty, ape-like species participates in this activity, your cause for embarrassment is nonexistent. Life. Don't talk to me about life.

12 0
mintcar 9

5, what? I talk to myself when I'm studying all the time. I guess OP and I are both crazy for talking to ourselves.

4 0
persianjr1 7

IF THAT HAPPEND TO ME IT WOULD SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME!! litteraly :D

5 1
alaaloo_fml_fml 0

I hate public restrooms. For that reason in particular. It's awkward going, knowing someone is right next to you. And usually out of all the empty stalls, they choose the one next to yours haha :p

48 0
gooBUZZ 0

I know! When I go in I try to find one that's bit near anyone else's. Yet when I'm already in there they seem to choose the ones right next to me. Haha.

1 0
Tasanasanta 0

Maybe they want some human companionship during such a trying time in their life...

6 0
zazooftanzania 4

marry me and i shall buy all public bathrooms so that only u can u use em

3 2
alaaloo_fml_fml 0

22- You again! Hahahahaha

0 0
zazooftanzania 4

lol ok send me an in n out burger and i will marry it and leave u alone, do u mind tellin hw old u are cuz i kind of feel like a pedo

1 2
alaaloo_fml_fml 0

You make me laugh so it's ok. Well goodness, how old do I look? I'm 18 in march :) and yourself?

0 0
zazooftanzania 4

im 22 and im serious abt the burger i will do anything. dude u shouldnt let ppl get under ur skin in FML for god sakes its nt even FB so who gives a shit abt wut ppl here think just do wutever makes u happy, i had that dream once just when i got a part i had to leave cali i still regret nt goin hard after it, i did a couple of epsiodes in a historical syrian show bt that sucked big time smthin like an arrow to the back literally

2 0
alaaloo_fml_fml 0

Haha you're so interestingly strange :) taco bell? I take it you have read some of my past comment conversations with the crazies here? Ahh you are an actor? I feel I should message you.

0 0
zazooftanzania 4

strange? i will take that as a compliment . ya maybe u should

0 1
koolkat27 13

^entertaining as this is, can you two finish this conversation in a message?

0 0
stronghand0331 17

You had to pep talk your way through dropping a duce? It usually comes naturally to people...

40 3
knibbsy 4

Oh no, a spelling error! It's deuce, not duce. This is unacceptable and requires immediate discipline! I'll need a screwdriver, a Popsicle, some yarn, and a surfboard.

14 1
stronghand0331 17

It's duce to me you sassy boy! Watch out, I'll bite your Popsicle... Hard!

10 3
Ninjafriends 1

Biting popsicles is cruel and unusual punishment. Oh, has anyone mentioned that it's "deuce", not "duce"?

5 0
knibbsy 4

37, read the first two sentences of my comment above.

2 1
stronghand0331 17

Your Popsicle shall be bitten. You will be screwed on the surfboard Knibbsy, after you're tied up with the yarn of course.

1 5
Zebidee 8

Maybe #4 was referring to the overthrow of Mussolini...

4 0
Ninjafriends 1

I was referring to that. Just trying to rub it in more.

3 0
schwiggidy 0

its douche you douche!

3 2
KiaMaster 0

lolol! he could always be your bathroom buddy!

3 0
WaitWut22 1

7 She is a girl in a public restroom. men and women don't poop together.

5 0
unicornscankill 0

7 was making a joke...

0 2
Zebidee 8

Except when you're in a mixed restroom. I've seen them a few times. Definitely weird.

1 0
unicornscankill 0

I don't know I just wanted to sound smart...

0 3
Ancarnia 0

At least they didn't go on to sing to you... ...I hope.

3 0
Geoffrx7 0

you should have asked for a Dutch rudder

1 1
aliaskis 3

I want to know what that is, but I am scared to Google it...

7 0
Doortje 29

Hahaha me too, but I did it anyway (brave, huh?!) Having someone complete the act of masturbation by pulling up and down on the forearm, while the male holds his own penis. I have no idea why it's called a DUTCH rudder, and being a Dutchy myself I kinda think I should :')

2 0
TakeMyLifePlease 7

When Americans split something, usually more like a check at a restaurant ha ha, we say we're going dutch on it. It just means splitting something, like split doors are called dutch doors here. Hence a dutch rudder, 'cause they're splitting duties on wanking :) Now I'm burning with curiosity, what do Dutch people call it when they split something???

5 0
Doortje 29

Splitting = delen. Zullen we de rekening delen? Shall we split the check? I knew about going Dutch on a check, but I didn't know split doors are called Dutch doors! That's awesome, yay for the Netherlands :D

4 0
DocBastard 38

Don't forget "pass the Dutchie" and the Dutch oven. I wouldn't be so proud of that last one, though...

3 0
Doortje 29

Ugh, I know, it's gross. If it weren't for FML I would've probably never heard of it though. I'm not sure we even have a word/term for that here..

3 0
Tasanasanta 0

If only you were a man, you wouldn't have this problem.

1 6
wyattsawesome 0

I'm a man and I have this problem.

8 0
iheartglasses 0

At least they didnt try making continual eye contact ;)

6 0