Intimacy: Stuck

Stuck

By robzzz - 16/02/2012 07:13 - Canada

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 675

You deserved it 3 850

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By sendhelp - 03/08/2015 05:31 - United States - Provo

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 594

You deserved it 2 456

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 20:40 - United States

Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 560

You deserved it 17 497

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 14:11

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 198

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 529

You deserved it 4 032

Stay safe out there

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 18:30 - United States - Bronx

Today, for the third time in less than a week, my dumbass roommate has a bunch of friends over. None of them are wearing masks and I don't feel comfortable leaving my room. I'm fucking starving and can't go to the kitchen to get food. The idiot is a fucking nursing major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 432

By raybandy - 24/01/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 272

You deserved it 2 373

Stuck in a rut

By amandanoelle - 09/10/2016 06:42 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 645

You deserved it 1 775

By cereal stepper - 23/10/2016 09:42

Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 699

You deserved it 5 547

Bugged

By IEatDammit - 30/01/2009 03:26 - Canada

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 462

You deserved it 6 240

By Anonymous - 16/06/2017 06:00 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 811

You deserved it 389

Pentium_4 27

Thursday 16 February 2012 12:00

ahhh of course. i'll bet their goal is to do it in every room in the house, so eventually they're going to do it in your bed while you're gone!

yahoowizard 16

Thursday 16 February 2012 12:07

Order pizza, get the camera ready, then wait for the delivery guy to get there. And then profit.

Comments

dianadoll 23

Thursday 23 February 2012 5:34

haha well if you can't beat em join them:)

dlockridge 0

Thursday 23 February 2012 16:24

seriously, you are pretty awesome lmao

irishboy352 0

Friday 24 February 2012 6:38

Sounds like a fun house to be in

mmblack0599 0

Saturday 25 February 2012 6:37

I would of been like, "Hey guys! How ya doin..!?!"

opheliac93 8

Sunday 26 February 2012 17:41

I'd just make food and ignore them. ;)

catman341 3

Monday 5 March 2012 1:48

here is what you do next time. Walk in say At least she is in the right place get your food and walk out. Guaranteed to ruin there mood.

blazingstar137 0

Friday 23 March 2012 18:51

Are they both men???

rockerlove2013 6

Sunday 25 March 2012 0:49

Just kick them iff the table and say "dinner time bitch"

OurLullaby 7

Wednesday 18 April 2012 22:34

"DON"T GET CUM ON THE TABLE! USE A CONDOM! RUBBER BEFORE YOU RUB HER" :) Yup just yell it from your room :)

Elfkid21 19

Tuesday 24 April 2012 11:28

You shoulda went to go get something to eat! you know what they were doing, so what? lol gotta do what ya gotta do!

Keywords

Relatable Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Health Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Love Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Video games

The Top

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 077

Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 95

The Top

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 834

You deserved it 12 388

Today, I was teasing my son about all the newlywed sex he must be having. He turned bright red and ended up admitting that because they stayed virgins until marriage they were too nervous to try on the wedding night, or on the honeymoon, or anytime since then. The wedding was 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 447

Today, I'm in Ibiza. My period came early and had nothing but face masks to use as sanitary towels. Then, the closest thing to period knickers I could find was in a souvenir shop, which on the arse reads, "What happens in Ibiza belongs in Ibiza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 320

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 451

You deserved it 46 016

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 590

You deserved it 4 245

Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 497

You deserved it 16 594