Intimacy: Sucker

Sucker

By BadIdea - 01/03/2012 21:23 - France

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 286

You deserved it 59 665

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Same thing different taste

By davetherave1983 - 09/09/2015 05:09 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 902

You deserved it 5 205

Bad ********

By testacular - 25/03/2014 21:20 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 662

You deserved it 55 830

By DoseyGit - 24/01/2017 08:00

Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 076

You deserved it 2 957

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 19:58 - United States - Everett

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 249

You deserved it 8 735

Proper job

By So so close to clean - 08/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 414

You deserved it 1 292

By pleasedie - 07/05/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 040

You deserved it 6 802

Drunken rampage

By Anonymous - 01/08/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 996

You deserved it 71 781

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 860

You deserved it 8 410

No need for a reason

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 04:01

Today, as I was bent over drying my legs after a shower, my girlfriend snuck behind me and pulled a hair off my ballsack for absolutely no good reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 221

By FutureMarine3658 - 08/08/2012 14:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, out of habit, after scratching my balls, I then smelt my hand. It was at that moment I realized most of my gym was staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 438

You deserved it 50 525

jsprackman 11

Friday 2 March 2012 0:14

Genius

BunnySlippers 6

Friday 2 March 2012 0:14

Lol. Why would you put a vaccum even CLOSE to your balls?

Comments

Branflakes78 13

Friday 2 March 2012 4:48

so you dry shave, wtf I always shave my balls in the shower!

Misfits_Danzig 2

Friday 2 March 2012 4:50

I just imagined someone's balls getting vacuumed = funny results.

zach8771 3

Friday 2 March 2012 4:55

Who shaves their balls over a carpet ?

ImGoingHamYo 0

Friday 2 March 2012 4:57

Yah sure you just wanted to get the hairs off...

linkinpark98 23

Friday 2 March 2012 5:02

I bet he tried to get the ultimate *******....

Linkerdoodles 15

Friday 2 March 2012 4:57

Is that a new kind of bowjob? D:

linkinpark98 23

Friday 2 March 2012 5:00

Is that how bad you wanted a vasectomy?

OffToTheGayBar 9

Friday 2 March 2012 5:01

"Nasty ass vacuum *******." I wonder who will get the reference.

inlove72 11

Friday 2 March 2012 5:07

Just why?!!

angel315781 0

Friday 2 March 2012 5:16

did you get all the hair off???? lol

t_o_d_a_y 0

Friday 2 March 2012 5:24

you would think that it would feel good, but it depends on the section level

Keywords

Love Christmas Break-ups Miscellaneous Poopoo peepee Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Haircut Cute Relatable You're fired Work Cars Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Am I overreacting? Intimacy Management

The Top

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 22 714

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, a few weeks after moving back to my home country, I found out my diploma isn't recognized here. The only training provider I can find that can upgrade it to something valid wants another 2 years of my life, 500 hours of work experience and $16,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 968

You deserved it 1 472

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 095

You deserved it 41 408

Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 620

You deserved it 38 369

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 736

You deserved it 312

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 565

You deserved it 2 452

Today, after admitting he had feelings for me, my crush returned from out of town. He'd said that while he was gone, he'd meet people, but only think of me. He came back no longer single. He's known her for 4 days. We've known each other for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 847

You deserved it 3 974