Health, Sleep, Cats and Cute: Suffer little humans - FML

Suffer little humans

By Go away dude - 11/06/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 199

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Same thing different taste

By dormeur - 18/01/2013 11:39 - France - Malakoff

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a paw slap, then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 729

You deserved it 15 849

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 98

By Noname - 30/01/2009 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 808

You deserved it 3 095

Obey, human

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 12:00

Today, after struggling to fall asleep due to stress, my cat decided to wake me up by standing on me and meowing until I got up. Just for me to show him that my boyfriend had already put food in his dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 167

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 679

You deserved it 6 883

Cujo, but for cats

By Anonymous - 25/03/2021 08:01

Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 301

Her happy place

By RIP - 26/01/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my 21-year-old cat, who has learned when I go to bed and waits in my bedroom for me every night, was waiting for me as usual last night. She got on top of me and I fell asleep pretty fast. When I woke up, she was still there, so I decided to wait until she moved. It took me an hour to realize she'd died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 109

Sobering

By TheLivingDeadTree - 19/10/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 105

By xXWhiteSheepXx - 08/04/2016 02:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 756

You deserved it 2 416

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 043

You deserved it 2 358

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 12 June 2023 0:34

Don't be such a... ...you can figure out the next word.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 12 June 2023 0:34

Don't be such a... ...you can figure out the next word.

Keywords

Shopping Miscellaneous Medication Health Anger issues Animals Birds Weddings Embarrassing Pranks TikTok YouTube Cute Dogs AITA Work Parents Sex Intimacy Awkward Frustration Mental health Relatable Technology Annoying Poopoo peepee Transportation Am I overreacting? Lonely Love

The Top

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 970

You deserved it 34 683

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how 2 girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend says, "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he said, he hesitantly added "…if I was single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 638

You deserved it 486

The Top

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 943

You deserved it 1 429

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 5 462

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 163

You deserved it 35 022

Today, my work department set a new sales record, something not done in nearly 30 years. It's corporate policy to give a bonus to each worker responsible as a reward. Our manager decided our "bonuses" would be plastic medals from Dollar Tree. He didn't even buy enough for everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 887

You deserved it 2 478

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long-arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 995

You deserved it 3 276

Today, I have pink eye in both eyes, the stomach virus, and a cold. I'm also sitting at work because my boss "doesn't believe in sick days." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 658

You deserved it 3 680