Sex and Intimacy: Take what you can - FML

Take what you can

By omglifee - 20/12/2009 04:13 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 910

You deserved it 4 128

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Sneaky sneezy

By Worn Out - 11/11/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, I sneezed four times in succession. The problem is that I've never sneezed more than three times in a row in my life, so the fourth one came as such a shock to me that I accidentally banged my head on my desk when it occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 291

By Anonymous - 20/06/2011 05:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 914

You deserved it 8 612

Say it, don't spray it

By Anonymous - 05/10/2024 06:00 - United States - Warren

Today, as I was trying to get into the grocery store, I had a sneezing fit. I've typically never had one, so I didn't really know how to handle it. This one was a new record: 11 sneezes and I hadn't had the foresight to bring tissues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 88

Bad day

By meranda_johnson - 13/12/2012 08:58 - United States

Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 836

You deserved it 2 555

By bglenney - 15/08/2013 09:47 - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 941

You deserved it 4 191

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 11:44 - Sweden

Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 205

You deserved it 6 111

By HWS - 15/04/2011 05:47 - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 287

You deserved it 7 776

Go big or go home

By kinwar - 27/09/2021 07:01 - United States - Hamburg

Today, I sneezed and peed myself while working out at the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 126

By sneezeattack - 14/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 027

You deserved it 4 319

By all arsed out - 06/03/2016 16:50 - United Kingdom - Spalding

Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 655

You deserved it 1 559

Next

Top comments

reapfml 0

Sunday 20 December 2009 9:16

**********. problem solved

perdix 29

Sunday 20 December 2009 13:30

That's why the ladies love me! My secret: I wear a cologne made of pepper. They often buy me gifts afterwards to apologize for the sneezing fits and to thank me for the trip to paradise! Move over, Dr. Love, here comes Dr. Pepper.

Comments

ALEX920 0

Wednesday 24 March 2010 15:15

more like death

live_life22 0

Monday 29 March 2010 3:32

oh god, another one from Canada, from my home province even!!

areanii 0

Tuesday 8 June 2010 16:30

are yew kidding me?! i sneeze more times than that every ten minutes!!! this was such a wasted FML!!!

melonsmasherrr 0

Thursday 24 June 2010 4:10

WTF?

birddylicious 0

Sunday 4 July 2010 1:14

haha.. come on over and get the real thing!

squirrels_FTW 3

Tuesday 20 July 2010 22:58

WTF?

ZacharyorAndrew 0

Wednesday 11 August 2010 21:11

my records 12

Norther 1

Friday 1 October 2010 7:54

#7 It's an urban legend. Acctually it is 8, not 7. So there was no ****** x)

jizzper 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 5:21

**********.

lauralavenderbab 0

Wednesday 2 November 2011 1:39

Ugh sneezes turn you on?

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Keywords

My ex Awkward Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Embarrassing Health Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Relatable Work Money DIY Parenting Kids Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I told my son to get a job and start paying rent. Five minutes later he transferred me rent for the next 5 years. When I demanded to know where he got that kind of money, he showed me his bank statements. He’s made more money mining Bitcoin than I’ve made in 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 273

You deserved it 1 364

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 9 781

The Top

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 066

You deserved it 2 810

Today, I'm still trying not to cry. Yesterday was by birthday. I got an email from my dad with three words, "Happy Birthday (nickname)". I got a Facebook post from my mother. No card. No phone call. No gift. I have become nothing more than a Facebook friend to my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 242

Today, my boyfriend went out and bought a pistol. When I asked him in horror why he did such a thing, he said, "It's my God-given right as a US citizen!" We're not even American, we immigrated from the UK, and we were both atheists, or so I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 398

Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 837

You deserved it 3 873

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 431

You deserved it 19 344

Today, my parents met my boyfriend, and to say it went badly is an understatement. My mom went outside to relax by chain smoking and the shouting, and the screaming only ended when my dad took my boyfriend by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the front door into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 058

You deserved it 284