Intimacy: Terminology

Terminology

By yummy - 30/05/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 571

You deserved it 84 230

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Same thing different taste

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 420

You deserved it 761

Life hacks

By Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 480

You deserved it 80 861

By future brain bleach addict - 02/05/2013 23:54 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 106

You deserved it 8 580

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 02/03/2024 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I learned that I don’t need to fake my orgasms, even though I’ve never been given one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 200

User notice

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 02:52 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 584

You deserved it 3 120

First time

By Anonymous - 13/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, I had sex for the first time. I realised that I was more satisfied by last night's dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 258

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 08:55 - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 198

You deserved it 7 455

How could you?

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 505

You deserved it 36 980

By esb - 13/08/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 895

You deserved it 8 334

By lissysue1 - 12/07/2012 19:23 - United States - Green Bay

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 909

You deserved it 4 918

Fuzzygraywolf 0

Monday 30 May 2011 8:53

a wee bit behind on the learning curve are we? lol

Lexiesoccerchick 0

Monday 30 May 2011 8:52

wooow, you fail.

Comments

cwmbear 0

Monday 30 May 2011 15:02

It DOES involve food if you're talking about your grandma...

jayemdoubleyou 1

Monday 30 May 2011 15:14

...unless you're into that.

abasio 1

Monday 30 May 2011 15:16

This is only an FML if you're not a kid. How did you find out by the way? Did you omit a preposition an say you ate out your mother?

whitegirl17 0

Monday 30 May 2011 15:26

wow where have you been

ihatepeople11 0

Monday 30 May 2011 15:37

Lol. i hope you learned that blowing someone doesn't include whistles, balloons, or blowing kisses either.

Yohan61576 0

Monday 30 May 2011 15:56

wow dude! how old are u! lol

superguppy19 3

Monday 30 May 2011 16:12

face palm

0215mike 2

Monday 30 May 2011 16:15

it doesnt what a shocker

mhorger 0

Monday 30 May 2011 16:26

I think I knew that when I was 10.

foxktm90 0

Monday 30 May 2011 16:27

wait till you try the cream pie

steelersfan3250 0

Monday 30 May 2011 21:27

LMFAO thats the best part on the meal

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 372

You deserved it 1 985

Today, my hateful mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly. I faked taking a phone call so the bitter old hag would leave me alone. She then pulled out her phone, called my number, and glared at me as my phone rang against my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 723

You deserved it 13 099

The Top

Today, my girlfriend said I make too many demands of her, and that I'm being unreasonable, I’m sorry but when dating surely it’s reasonable to expect conversation, intimacy, date nights, sex on occasion. Basically, if it’s not sitting on TikTok or Instagram, anything I want she says is “unreasonable.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 165

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 827

You deserved it 4 914

Today, my mom found out I’m in therapy and took it as an insult, like therapy was a criticism of her parenting. Um, maybe if she hadn’t spent my childhood telling me and everyone in our family that having me was an accident, that I’ve been a huge burden, and that she should have aborted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 103

Today, my roommate, who is an alcoholic in denial, comes up to me and tells me she knows I told on her, and is angry at me. The facility we live at is for people in recovery. Her boyfriend is coming over to “confront me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 125

Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce your name on the radio and if you call in within an hour they pay your bills for you. I'm unemployed, so I got really excited when they announced my name. My call wouldn't go through - I hadn't paid my phone bill and the line was disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 281

You deserved it 28 676

Today, they say our bowels are like a second brain. Well, mine seem to have the brain of an 8-year-old, because we’ve been playing “Attack of the Monster Poo” for five consecutive days now. Of course, like any self-respecting monster, it only attacks when you're asleep, then again once you've let your guard down. FML