Health, Neighbours and Cute: That 20% - FML

That 20%

By MI3 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Oakland

Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that not all black people are lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 900

You deserved it 2 385

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

This is America

By liz - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 774

You deserved it 18 526

Brain worms

By smooth - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 880

You deserved it 19 106

I'm confused

By confusedbagel - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 509

You deserved it 4 113

By ISwearImNotOCD - 05/04/2017 08:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I found out that the chefs at my work can't spell for shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 153

You deserved it 371

By thank u usa - 13/12/2013 22:20 - Germany

Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 084

You deserved it 3 569

Dick

By missPiggy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, a colleague found out that I struggled with anorexia when young. After ranting about how it's a silly 'Women's disease', he renamed me 'Miss Piggy' and made oinking noises every time I ate something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 2 342

Misunderstanding

By vanessa_d15 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 119

You deserved it 6 752

Limited edition prank

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 693

You deserved it 4 319

Suave

By getmoneyab - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 922

You deserved it 68 493

Thanks, I feel better!

By anon - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I told my grandma my boyfriend had cheated on me. She told me that it was my fault for not straightening my hair, and for gaining a few pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 976

You deserved it 3 032

Next

Top comments

candiicane 12

Thursday 19 April 2012 16:19

Where does that even come from?

OffToTheGayBar 9

Thursday 19 April 2012 16:19

Ignorance, don't ya love it? I do.

Comments

ecreader 8

Sunday 22 April 2012 3:23

My black friend just told me about this streotype yesterday. I didn't think this was a real streotype, now I do!

princessjada 5

Sunday 22 April 2012 9:15

Well good news is i find your neighbor is a dumbass for thinking that bad news i almost choked off my yogurt when i read it

MissMisc3 7

Tuesday 24 April 2012 8:54

^.^ You can't convince them all. That said, I found this incredibly funny (but I have no idea why). Thanks for posting. :D

princessmollysue 9

Friday 27 April 2012 0:19

Really !!!! That was so ignorant to just even think that !!! BS

WeWereWealth7 7

Thursday 3 May 2012 5:06

After a lot of my black friends told me about their distaste for milk/yogurt/etc., I searched the internet for some sort of correlation and found something that said a notable percentage of African-Americans are lactose intolerant. That being said, nothing has ever said all or even a great amount of African-Americas are lactose intolerant. So shame on OP's friend for generalizing us. I still loves my milk and cheese and yogurt.

interesting33 36

Tuesday 14 August 2012 0:59

Stare at him in shock whenever he eats something that is NOT milk etc. :P Say you thought white people could only eat things with dairy in and refuse to take no for an answer :P

13yearoldpridigy 1

Saturday 6 April 2013 9:12

I agree with the people saying that African Americans and Asians are mostly lactose. I'm black but I'm not lactose intolerant but my mother,who is Asian, is.

MandieL 27

Tuesday 9 February 2016 16:03

My husband is half Asian half Ukrainian and lactose intolerant. My FIL is full Asian and has a sensitivity to lactose. I am German, English, Ukrainian, Irish, and French (probably some more in there too, I'm a Mutt haha) and I can eat cheese and drink milk till the cows come home. I'm curious if my daughter will produce lactase in her later years now.

AliceDMalice 11

Friday 2 August 2013 16:55

I...What. xD

bellaclare 7

Wednesday 18 September 2013 5:43

This is my favourite ever FML.

Comoke1024 19

Wednesday 15 January 2014 21:49

There are no words

Kitouran 30

Tuesday 9 February 2016 14:40

Looks like you found some.

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year-old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 391

You deserved it 115 808

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 038

You deserved it 4 250

The Top

Today, I was thrown out of a pub and when the owner was sure no one else could hear him, he whispered in my ear how dare I, "a filthy n****r", set foot in his pub, and if it was up to him "they'd bring back lynchings for my sort." The police didn't do anything, because there was no evidence he'd said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 270

Today, my wife of one week changed locks of the house and put my stuff outside. A letter addressed to “Elizabeth” had arrived in the mail. She thinks it’s my “secret side wife” and that I’m cheating. She was actually the previous owner of the house. My wife told me to, “Tell that lie to someone else.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 164

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 668

You deserved it 1 380

Today, my wife asked me when will my sex drive just stop. I'm only 39. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 141

Today, my brother has decided to hustle hate groups. Everyone, including the police, think he's some sort of Robin Hood. I wouldn't have a problem with this, except he's trying to recruit people. Any day now we're going to be attacked by Nazis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 136

Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 975

You deserved it 2 911