Sex, Pranks, Awkward, Painful and Intimacy: That sucks - FML

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 978

You deserved it 1 555

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Same thing different taste

Whatever floats your boat

By RainbowD4PowerNozzle - 02/01/2023 21:00

Spicy

Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 1 269

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Spicy

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 708

You deserved it 3 067

Poor Henry

By SierraCheyenne - 26/03/2020 23:09 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 137

You deserved it 545

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 969

You deserved it 18 671

Self harm

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 6 227

Not a great start

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, barely 24 hours after we decided that yes, we were now boyfriend and girlfriend, I caught my “boyfriend” with his cock down my cousin's throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 435

You deserved it 188

And I oop

By AnxiousCucumber - 07/09/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 398

You deserved it 2 187

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 791

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 328

You deserved it 45 470

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 525

You deserved it 10 688

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:46

Did it work? I'm tired of paying hookers.

devinaww 15

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:52

Ohhh I cringed from reading that My vacuum has a very small nozzle...

Comments

GhostFox 33

Wednesday 23 November 2016 18:26

I'm curious as to why the user name is "funnyERstory." Did the OP's dick get stuck in the vacuum hose or nozzle and they couldn't remove it? Did the suction cause bruising? Did the weight of the vacuum parts break OP's dick? I really want to know the injury that was caused, mostly to warn other people to /not/ do this thing.

brenton490 19

Thursday 24 November 2016 23:06

"If you use that vacuum it will break you dick off" "That's a weird way to describe a vacuum. Does it have power settings?" " Yes there high medium,and low and all will break your dick off."

stalkinator 21

Wednesday 23 November 2016 19:03

You went to the ER?

Huntersmommy2197 7

Wednesday 23 November 2016 19:55

to each their own!

trucker2 33

Wednesday 23 November 2016 20:43

Next you'll be stuck to the pool's filtering system...crying it just sucked me in....

daydreamer50 5

Wednesday 23 November 2016 21:00

I was going to say sucks but to lame. To late the vacuum out the closet ???

cuz803 44

Wednesday 23 November 2016 21:12

That's not how ******** work OP

EmmaMK 35

Wednesday 23 November 2016 23:56

Yes it sucks! That's what hoovers do

BadKitty13 28

Thursday 24 November 2016 2:18

Sorry. Sucks to be you.

chewsef 17

Thursday 24 November 2016 5:07

The dangers "come" with the territory.

samlovesham1234 9

Thursday 24 November 2016 6:21

YEOUCH!!!

Keywords

Awkward Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money Relatable Parenting Kids DIY Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird

The Top

Today, my mom picked my ex-boyfriend up early from school to take him to see a special screening of a documentary that's showing in town. She left me after school for an hour and a half because they ended up going out for coffee afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 157

You deserved it 2 693

Today, my husband has been out partying all night. While my in-laws didn't ask him a single question, earlier I received more than six calls from them about when I'll be home to cook and clean. Where was I? In the office for the first time after working from home for past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 111

The Top

Today, I showed up to work with a hickey on my neck and found out my boss is very Christian. He wasted my entire lunch break ranting to me about how the Bible says I shouldn't be having sex before marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 354

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 771

You deserved it 8 947

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 952

You deserved it 7 641

Today, I decided to make what I thought was a pretzel recipe. I ended up eating cooked, egg-coated play dough. Literally, homemade Play-Doh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 788

You deserved it 10 905

Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my roommates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 799

You deserved it 12 062

Today, I was trying on dresses in a stall that requires an employee of the store to have a key to open. After I took off one dress to go to another, an employee quickly opens my door, to give the stall to someone else. The entire store could see me in my granny panties and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 049

You deserved it 6 545