Miscellaneous, Poopoo peepee, Pranks and Scary: There's a time and a place - FML

There's a time and a place

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we are having work done and our chimney breast has a hole where a brick is missing. Well, my husband thought it would be funny to rig up some realistic spider leg things that would poke out of the hole next to my face. I had to wash the sofa cushion because I pissed myself from fright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 87

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 12:00

Today, while I was fitting a new fuse box, a giant spider tried to eat my fingers. As I pulled away, I touched the exposed wires. I woke up flat on my back to the customer slapping my face, burnt fingers, and bruises everywhere. I had also peed and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 422

You deserved it 501

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 06:00

Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 198

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 917

You deserved it 5 873

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 661

You deserved it 8 342

By Arachnaphobic - 22/11/2009 08:35 - United States

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 271

You deserved it 4 806

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 25/05/2022 04:00

Today, I got home to my wife surrounded by plaster, old cement and bricks, and a fucking massive hole in the kitchen wall leading through into next door's kitchen. Apparently she tried to put up a shelf and the wall “fell down”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 92

By grossedout - 06/09/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 125

You deserved it 2 534

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 881

You deserved it 73 485

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 875

By danonno - 02/08/2012 21:08 - Canada - Nelson

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 3 292

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Top comments

TomeDr 24

Tuesday 12 November 2024 12:42

I would have made HIM clean it!

Comments

poopface82 19

Tuesday 12 November 2024 3:24

I assume you mean EX-husband. That was abuse.

TomeDr 24

Tuesday 12 November 2024 12:42

I would have made HIM clean it!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 863

You deserved it 2 846

Today, I was on the subway when I felt like I was going to faint. I got off the train at the next stop, walked to a bench, but fell over and passed out. When I woke up, I looked around at at least 25 people, who had stepped around me, passed out, in the middle of the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 114

You deserved it 3 275

The Top

Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 576

You deserved it 2 205

Today, I found out my fiancé has been sexting my friend for about a month. I've already paid for our wedding, which was supposed to be next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 126

Today, I was in my room and I drew a Harry Potter lightning bolt on my forehead in eyeliner because it cheers me up. Then some friends came over, so we went out to get yogurt, and when I got back I realized the lightning bolt was still there. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 432

You deserved it 74 712

Today, I had to fire an employee for the first time in my life. She broke something that keeps breaking on its own, but she didn't report it. HR made me fire her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 123

Today, my husband is in the garden smashing a tree stump with a sledgehammer because our 22 year-old daughter brought her first serious boyfriend home. He’s my husband's boss, a man-whore who has been bragging about all the nasty stuff his new girlfriend does to him in bed, unaware of who her dad was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 109

Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around when her dad burst in, proclaimed an, “Aha! I caught you you pervert!” moment and threw me out of the house. We’re in our 30s with kids, and jointly own that house. Having a father in law with Alzheimer's is great isn’t it? Just fecking great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 136