Intimacy: Time consumed

Time consumed

By unendowed - 18/03/2012 02:11 - United States - Katy

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 413

You deserved it 11 700

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

By tLee - 19/07/2011 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 510

You deserved it 4 560

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 350

You deserved it 40 477

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 19:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 092

You deserved it 40 037

By Tyler - 19/11/2011 08:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. In an attempt to be romantic, I tried taking her panties off with my teeth. I got a mouthful of pubes stuck in my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 249

You deserved it 34 502

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 410

You deserved it 5 234

Nice outing

By Anonymous - 07/12/2019 05:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 761

By omfgnooo - 09/09/2011 23:22 - United States

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 859

You deserved it 54 891

Ewwwwwww

By Anonymous - 18/02/2011 07:35 - Canada

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 864

You deserved it 4 863

Tasty

By I wish it was gum - 23/10/2018 12:00

Today, I was in the cinema making out with my girlfriend. I asked her if she could stop trying to pass me her gum because it was kinda gross. She replied, "It's not gum, I just have bronchitis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 046

You deserved it 683

By ydahs - 08/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, while in the hot tub with my friends, my gum fell out of my mouth and I had no idea where it went. Later that night I realized it had fallen down my swimsuit and had become adhered to my pubic hairs which then stuck to my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 770

You deserved it 19 620

pdp_fml 21

Sunday 18 March 2012 9:20

Why not try shaving down there? Girls like it because they don't have to smell your nasty sweat.

H_Brazell09 0

Sunday 18 March 2012 9:22

Maybe this is a sign to start shaving.

Comments

lilgas52 4

Sunday 18 March 2012 20:59

Peanut butter will dissolve the chewing gum.

anonywho 0

Sunday 18 March 2012 21:08

dirty mouth?? lmao.

christinnaaa 10

Sunday 18 March 2012 21:11

guys should shave too (: ydi

Althenias 0

Sunday 18 March 2012 21:15

guess that was her way if telling you to shave.

braxdan50 4

Sunday 18 March 2012 21:24

Shave it bro! Mine does the same thing

Mr_S3xypants 2

Sunday 18 March 2012 21:30

Dirty mouth? Clean it up.

LulusLemon 8

Sunday 18 March 2012 21:37

so shave..

88sforlife 0

Sunday 18 March 2012 21:50

Chewin gum is the biggest turnoff ever

sparklerainbow 5

Sunday 18 March 2012 21:55

All you need is a pair of giant scissors to fix this problem...and maybe next time a breath mint instead of gum :)

DJLbackhand 4

Sunday 18 March 2012 22:10

I shave so I don't have to worry I good whenever where ever lol

Keywords

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The Top

Today, a friend and I tell each other everything about our relationships, and we’ve been flirting for two years, but we’re not together. I started to have feelings for him, but I didn’t say anything, then the guy started to disappear and I don't know if he has an avoidant attachment, or he's just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 494

Today, my longtime crush, who turned me down because he’s “sick of women”, just got into a relationship. He made it Facebook official, with photos of them and everything. Wanting to even the score, I commented, “So it seems your sickness of women is cured, huh?” He bitched at me for “ruining his moment” and deleted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 1 001

The Top

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 453

You deserved it 9 133

Today, Facebook sent me a new friend suggestion. I opened it only to see that the person suggested was the home wrecker that broke up my marriage 4 years ago. Her cover picture is her and my ex together, along with a group of people that I used to be friends with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 147

Today, I found out that a girl who I really liked at work, who is my manager and with whom I'm friends, and who knows I like her, has been secretly dating someone else who works there for a month, and everyone at work knew except me, because she didn't want to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 467

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 731

You deserved it 4 042

Today, I noticed that both my managers completely ignored me when I told them that I'm fully booked, and can't take any more clients. Both of them scheduled additional clients. At the same. Three people from different companies will show up at my office at the same time. Yep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 292

You deserved it 1 439

Today, I went to get Lasik eye surgery. Beforehand, they give you an anxiety control pill because you're conscious during the operation. Guess who is immune to the pill and now has to get checked for anxiety disorders before rescheduling the surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 512

You deserved it 179