Valentine's slay, The first time we met and Animals: Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on...

By Doggotmytongue - 12/02/2013 21:50 - United States - Peoria

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 374

You deserved it 6 755

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Same thing different taste

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 634

You deserved it 3 366

By bruisedandconfused - 12/02/2019 12:25 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 264

You deserved it 10 793

Differences

By Alone - 21/05/2014 11:05 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 404

You deserved it 12 894

By redmethod87 - 08/04/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 023

You deserved it 6 500

By CRWMEN - 22/12/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 404

You deserved it 3 286

By chris - 09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 867

You deserved it 10 786

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 995

By fucking hate bitches - 24/12/2016 21:27

Today, I realized that the girl I like only replies to my snapchats if I include my dog in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 844

You deserved it 1 706

Jealousy

By Karine - 05/12/2023 00:00 - France - Bordeaux

Today, my dog has a better social life than I do. He has more playdates scheduled than I have actual human plans this month. I'm officially my dog's social secretary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 217

Good boy

By doggylove - 13/11/2015 03:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 625

You deserved it 2 225

cliffibom 15

Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:57

Seems like she is into *********** so I think you would rather not go along

ollie179 21

Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:07

Please stop laughing your ass off, you're making a mess.

Comments

RenoTheRhino 30

Saturday 12 July 2014 2:51

Dress up as your dog, and then you can go along.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Zoom

The Top

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 975

You deserved it 10 760

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 851

You deserved it 1 041

The Top

Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 985

You deserved it 25 922

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 2 271

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex for the first time in months. We wanted to spice things up by using chocolate sauce during a blowjob, but the chocolate glued his foreskin to his penis and he cried. Safe to say the dry spell continues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 877

You deserved it 1 609

Today, after I wore a pad last night, I woke up this morning, took off my underwear to use the bathroom, and a huge period glob flew hit the rug and splattered everywhere. The globs got on every piece if clothing I wore. I then had to clean what looked like a crime scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 128

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 338

You deserved it 67 813

Today, I took my kids to the petting zoo and my toddler decided to feed the goats her entire bag of popcorn. The goats swarmed her and stole her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 547

Same thing different taste

Differences

Jealousy

Good boy

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