Intimacy: Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over...

By Username - 05/08/2011 14:05 - United States

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 235

You deserved it 69 695

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Same thing different taste

Demon drink

By Aliiveopen - 24/08/2020 07:02 - United States - Wasilla

Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting 2 holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 112

By hot_mess88 - 04/07/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 122

You deserved it 2 591

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 071

You deserved it 5 416

By deven - 29/08/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 737

You deserved it 44 797

Damn, son

By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 20:24 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 321

You deserved it 4 182

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 138

By xxx - 03/09/2017 04:29

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 671

You deserved it 531

Fun for all the family

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 02:00

Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 282

By Vince - 09/12/2011 19:38 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 067

You deserved it 3 238

By myparentsarehoes - 03/08/2009 16:33 - Canada

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 322

You deserved it 5 767

Epsilonyx 15

Friday 5 August 2011 18:50

...well done, my friend. Well done.

Weetart 8

Friday 5 August 2011 18:50

ohhh you deserved to be there in the brawl.

Comments

chewbeccaz 0

Friday 5 August 2011 18:49

This isn't an FML.

i_l_y143 0

Friday 5 August 2011 18:49

how is that an fml?

Weetart 8

Friday 5 August 2011 18:50

ohhh you deserved to be there in the brawl.

seanders 10

Friday 5 August 2011 18:59

Muahaha. Should've screamed "dance puppets dance!" on your way out.

SirObvious 1

Friday 5 August 2011 19:08

Who fights over *********** ?

kiran_fml 5

Friday 5 August 2011 19:09

This reminds me of Mean Girls when Regina is watching everyone fight around her

woody768 0

Friday 5 August 2011 19:10

How is this an FML you got away with hardly a scratch didn't you?

i_am_evil 7

Friday 5 August 2011 19:10

Isn't this like, the opposite of F your Life? Like "HoorayMyLife" I escaped a barfight, yaaaaaay!

WesleyTucker545 5

Friday 5 August 2011 19:17

lol the puppet master

Epsilonyx 15

Friday 5 August 2011 18:50

...well done, my friend. Well done.

genesisnirvana 11

Friday 5 August 2011 19:00

That takes a special kind of skill

Sithis23 0

Friday 5 August 2011 18:51

So how exactly is your life f'ed??

your_ma 27

Friday 5 August 2011 18:51

How is this FYL..?

yourlifesfucked 0

Friday 5 August 2011 18:51

So HOW is this an FML? OP quit your bitching and learn to not be a dumbass. You're lucky you didn't get someone killed.

mikentrigger 4

Friday 5 August 2011 18:52

This sounds more like bragging than a FML.

gilstrap23 3

Friday 5 August 2011 18:52

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

raphanne_fml 33

Friday 5 August 2011 18:53

And this is an FML because... ?

Keywords

Gross Miscellaneous Insects Cute Neighbours Kids Proposal Awkward Love Delivery Health Amazon Relatable Hair Scary Allergies Animals Dogs Babysitter Skincare Emergency Doctor Hospital Vacation Engagement ring AITA Social Media Facebook Money Scams

The Top

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 482

You deserved it 15 047

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 138

You deserved it 28 441

The Top

Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 832

You deserved it 4 375

Today, I was introducing my boyfriend to my parents for the first time. I meant to say, "Mom, Dad, this is Tom." Instead, I said, "Mom, Dad, this is Mom." My boyfriend is now jokingly reconsidering our relationship, and my parents won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 165

Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 657

You deserved it 1 739

Today, I had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Even though they know I don't have any money, let alone shoes on my feet, my parents have decided it's far too much trouble to come pick me up because we're on vacation and they want to have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 151

You deserved it 1 960

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 556

You deserved it 3 853

Today, I was moving to the city with all my belongings when the trailer came unhitched, breaking the chains on my dad's homemade trailer. I then watched as the trailer narrowly missed a guardrail, went down a hill and into a river. My dad still won't admit he didn't latch the hitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 252

You deserved it 4 388

Same thing different taste

Demon drink

Damn, son

You're grounded!

Fun for all the family

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