Love: Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped...

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By tickyette - 14/09/2010 07:27 - United States

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 244

You deserved it 10 354

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Same thing different taste

By TheMichaelNixon - 14/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 802

You deserved it 75 534

By Don’t Think About It. - 26/08/2019 16:00

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 19/03/2012 00:49 - United States - Dansville

Today, my boyfriend and I were having dinner with my family. He killed a bug and ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 980

You deserved it 4 108

By aurora320 - 19/07/2016 19:50 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, when confronting my boyfriend about slapping a girl's ass in the club, he claimed: "There was a mosquito on it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 849

You deserved it 1 396

Where d'you come from?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 23:01 - United States - Austin

Today, as someone with a large chest, I'm used to sometimes finding food in my clothes at the end of the day. However, when I took off my bra off, I found half of a dead grasshopper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 142

Panic on the streets of…

By Anstice - 05/10/2009 03:07 - United States

Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 662

You deserved it 15 563

By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/05/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 501

You deserved it 9 213

By kylie - 15/11/2010 21:17 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 492

You deserved it 7 213

By foxbrat - 11/10/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I woke up with a dead cockroach and its guts all over my forehead. My boyfriend responded by laughing and saying "Poor guy, never had a chance to see the world." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 239

You deserved it 3 298

By marsbar - 15/03/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 747

You deserved it 20 110

UrNotFunny 0

Tuesday 14 September 2010 11:51

horny grasshoppers.

mshoes12346 3

Tuesday 14 September 2010 11:55

silly grasshopper, boobs are for dudes!

Comments

XYZzzzzzzz 0

Thursday 16 September 2010 5:10

how the **** this an fml

pancakerocks 1

Thursday 16 September 2010 17:44

aawwww poor boyfreind. what did u want him to do put his hand down ur shirt

imemerald 3

Thursday 16 September 2010 22:56

He's pretty witty though! LMAO!!!

LuCanO 0

Friday 17 September 2010 4:21

FYL, I have to admit it was a witty answer, but still was a pretty shitty reaction for a boyfriend. He acted like a total ass.

mahona_fml 0

Friday 17 September 2010 7:42

how's that an FML? it's just your boyfriend being funny.

mzzgorjess 0

Friday 17 September 2010 9:25

LOL

Autoshot 9

Saturday 18 September 2010 23:53

See, even the grasshopper knows how it works. Sometimes stealing a few bases is the only way to guarantee you will make it all the way home.

fakeaccountX 6

Sunday 19 September 2010 22:28

Be glad it didn't get to third base.

the_jman 0

Wednesday 22 September 2010 1:28

lol he's a keeper then

rusticonian13 0

Wednesday 22 September 2010 15:37

I think that boyfriend of yours has an AWESOME sense of HUMOR! Treasure him... usually a long life is in store for those who have such humor! How could ya hate a guy like that???