Miscellaneous: Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking...

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By Anonymous - 17/08/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 337

You deserved it 3 849

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 05/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 772

You deserved it 3 435

Oh shit…

By half-dead in CA - 31/05/2014 16:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 343

You deserved it 4 015

Precious memories

By Mangler - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Belgium

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was, "You smell awful." I work in a fish store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 643

You deserved it 5 345

By Operation Yewtree here I come - 26/09/2014 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 378

You deserved it 4 218

By cadillacfrank - 24/07/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 821

You deserved it 36 589

Stealth bomber

By Jogger - 19/08/2020 14:01

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 136

By r4inb0wbrit3 - 13/07/2012 07:37 - United States - Townsend

Today, I was on a date with a great guy, and we were really hitting it off. While we were walking in the park, a woman who smelled like the devil's toenails and looked as if she hadn't bathed in a year passed us. I whispered to my date, "Look at that disgusting woman." It was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 525

You deserved it 37 944

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 403

You deserved it 8 857

Smells like defeat

By Sad girl - 23/12/2024 20:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went to a party and met a guy who was super charming. We hit it off, and he seemed really into me. After talking for a while, he leaned in for a kiss, and I thought, "This is it!" But instead of a kiss, he just sniffed my hair, then said, "Wow, you smell just like my mom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 104

By charmed - 12/08/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 291

You deserved it 1 936

DoggyDoggWorld 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 11:55

"his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas" Where the hell do you find these expressions?

AliceIsCurious 6

Wednesday 17 August 2011 11:52

So that's where he is! Kindly tell my father to come home and take his meds.

Comments

tj4234 35

Wednesday 17 August 2011 11:59

you should feel blessed for hanging with royalty

bewareimannoyed 13

Wednesday 17 August 2011 11:59

So? Sounds like a catch!

Climaxx 11

Wednesday 17 August 2011 12:00

Sounds like my kinda man.

TheRealHouse 7

Wednesday 17 August 2011 12:18

Hi there, Im House. What's your name? ;)

StoryOfTheYear 14

Wednesday 17 August 2011 12:20

But of course He's just a misunderstood child How could I have possibly misunderstood that my whole life

hwp123 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 12:10

He is on satans ass gas

sadkiddie 0

Wednesday 17 August 2011 12:15

I only recently discovered what queue means and now I see it everywhere @_@

LTpast 3

Wednesday 17 August 2011 12:29

Heh, I know what you mean 23, that always happens to me when I learn a new word. Back on topic though, sorry to hear that OP, maybe you should have offered him a mint, or possibly a cork.

haiu2323 10

Wednesday 17 August 2011 15:19

same here...freaks me out sometime too

Legendslayer222 26

Wednesday 17 August 2011 12:18

I read this FML a few times, and there seems to be a few inconsistencies with his story.

VeganVampyre 26

Wednesday 17 August 2011 15:07

Why?

yamatelle 19

Wednesday 17 August 2011 12:22

Oh hell no! My great great grandmother's cousin told me that she invented the banana to compensate for the lack of penis in her life before it became a fruit. Bitch lied to me!

eminemchick 19

Wednesday 17 August 2011 18:00

wtf my dad told me his great grandpa invented bananas and glue sticksDX

yamatelle 19

Wednesday 17 August 2011 18:47

I bet you some of my Satin's ass gas (I put that shit on everything!) and lipstick that it was my great great grandmother's cousin who invented it. How do you explain the shape? I believe her because I know she probably didn't get any. I mean the bitch was so ugly, she gave Freddy Kruegger nightmares. Bless her soul. If I find out she lied to me though I will dig her out of her grave, turn her bones into soup, and feed it to my asshole neighbor!