Poopoo peepee and Health: Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part...

By missbutthole - 04/06/2011 13:07 - United States

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 707

You deserved it 3 889

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Not now!

By Anonymous - 19/07/2019 00:01

Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 155

Walk, don't run

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 03:00 - Finland

Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 113

By Poopie - 29/01/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 222

You deserved it 3 219

By Anonymous - 14/05/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 789

You deserved it 3 069

By constipated - 03/06/2017 02:00

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 338

You deserved it 454

By Anonymous - 01/06/2016 11:05 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 516

You deserved it 869

By RosaMaravillosa - 27/06/2016 18:09 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, after being constipated a few days, I used the restroom at a bar. It took a loooong time before I got out. As I went to exit the bar, only the employees were still there, waiting for me because they had closed 30 minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 712

You deserved it 2 739

Stuck in a holding pattern

By Anonymous - 11/10/2023 21:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, i managed to carve an hour out of my daily working-from-home grind to get some exercise and fresh air, only to spend all of that time stuck in the bathroom trying to take the same shit. I fucking loathe having Crohn's disease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 115

Slid right out

By Tabby Rosas - 21/02/2021 21:30

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 06/07/2019 16:00

Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 629

Perdition 4

Saturday 4 June 2011 20:01

There are these things called bushes. Generally located in the vicinity of everywhere, they can be used for a multitude of activities, including: - Looking pretty - Looking ugly - Being shaped into odd animals - Being shaped into objects and shapes - Covering someone while they take a shit - and more! Please call 1 123 456 7890 to reserve your FREE copy of "How to man up and not be a pansy about things"!

xxAlli 0

Saturday 4 June 2011 19:57

Go to another building instead of waiting?

Comments

runtodarkness 0

Sunday 5 June 2011 0:25

I'm pretty sure being constipated for a week is in no way chronic.

a_nutritionist 10

Sunday 5 June 2011 11:59

chronic can be a subjective term.

mattstive 0

Sunday 5 June 2011 0:32

shit in front of the door so someone will step in it.

sillylolo 6

Sunday 5 June 2011 8:13

lol that's funny

misslc 4

Sunday 5 June 2011 1:58

in medical terms "chronic" generally means it lasts for six months +, ydi for being an idiot

a_nutritionist 10

Sunday 5 June 2011 12:00

er no. something can be considered chronic prior to 6 months. especially in the case of constipation. you dont need to have not crapped for 6 months before they go "ok NOW its chronic constipation"