By Anonymous - 10/07/2011 04:18 - United States

Spicy
Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
I agree, your life sucks 46 835
You deserved it 8 206
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Top comments

allmidnighteyes 10

My favourite part is how she just left when you guys were done. You didn't have to pay for that sex, right? I can't imagine what runs through a hooker's mind when you tell her, "Don't wake my parents..."

202 5

Comments

JoeTheMan12 0

what a he'll of a first experience for you OP, at least you have a good story to tell your kids when they are older?

7 35
klonopin_ftw 0

like OP will be able to have kids after that. even if he does, they're gonna be slower than normal. you dont crush your balls and have normal kids afterwards.

41 4
Drigr 9

32 - this wasn't his first time. he said first time in I don't know how long (aka in a while)

14 1
tjv3 10

wow you are a trooper for continuing after she crushed them. next time though go with a smaller girl lol

9 3
tjv3 10

smaller as in weight.

4 4
Reign_fml 3

that's what they call busting a nut...

14 3
tittymagic 0

how the hell can you act cool? I would cry a very manly cry...

10 0
SW500 13

Bruised? He'll have kids just fine. People get bruising in hernia operations all the time.

2 2
Edwinadii 4

There is a part on a womens body that is called "Egg pan"....Thats in the middle of the ****** and the asswhole....Thats were the mans "eggs" crush againts wen *******...Im asuming he ****** em up there xD

16 63
22cute 17

that's complete made up BS. There is no such part of the female body. Geez, read a medical anatomy book.

23 72
airforce987 20

55 ...too...many...big...words *head explodes*

153 4
myxcure 2

55, all true, but where is the asswhole located?

65 3
flockz 19

3- u can thumb me down but when i first saw your pic i saw a giant shit someone had taken in a toilet lol

11 2
a_nutritionist 10

infront of the asshalf, everybody knows that.

130 0
BIEBERSLAYER 10

she had a massive ass

7 2
abcd4242 0

soccergurl95 is awesome!!

2 15
Xtra_Cheddar 3

yah soccergurl95 is pretty much hot

1 3
teentee401 36

You made a typo and somehow that makes your iPod a homosexual? Get some better vocabulary.

13 1
allmidnighteyes 10

My favourite part is how she just left when you guys were done. You didn't have to pay for that sex, right? I can't imagine what runs through a hooker's mind when you tell her, "Don't wake my parents..."

202 5
DjeePee 24

Why is that your favourite part? Maybe she wasn't allowed to spend the night with him, they still seem like teenagers to me. And he didn't call her his girlfriend, so it might even be a random girl. But even then there is no reason to call her a hooker.

29 66
memphius 4

once you get the bill from the hospital, you are gonna realize how much that sex really cost you.......

68 0
1215116a 14

27, on FML you can call anyone hookers. That's how teh Interwebz work.

38 4
a_nutritionist 10

@27 in the world of fml, everyone whos not the person commenting or their friends is either a ***** or a prude. its kind of like a tag for stupidity.

13 2
SwaggerMelon 6

It's going to look like you got a BJ from a smurf.

42 3
Smokingweenies 3

Nah, forget blue balls. He got himself a nice pair of green ones. You know, from all the radiation he'll be getting for his testicular cancer.

2 22
volley4eva1698 0

I wouldn't have waited a minute if my balls were crushed..even though I'm a girl

72 4
starile 19

You obviously don't understand how hot this girl was, and the imperativeness of taking it like a man.

30 3
DKjazz 20

Taking it like a man, as only a man can.

10 2
chillinAK 9

Wow. I could say something crass like - at least you have blue balls, but damn. How? Some real active cowgirl action? Reverse maybe?

21 11
chillinAK 9

meant don't have blue balls.

3 7
cenax27 0

reverse cow girl sucks, u gotta go helicopter or the safer missionary position

4 5
Saltime 0

35 - Tell me more! I want to know all about the positions you use! ...Wait, no I don't.

40 2
cenax27 0

hey buddy go **** yourself :)

0 1
decidedlyvague 11

so wait, you have to lie the girl on top of you and spin her?

5 1
FruityLoooons 8

How the hell do you act cool from crushed balls, man?

130 1
Glitterhinoceros 14

You hold the tears back untill she leaves, then start bawling.

106 2
DKjazz 20

Give 87 some thumb love, they said "bawling".

37 2
windfuelsfire 10

my thoughts exactly! he must have a good popopopopopoker face

14 26
GuessWhatKids 13

99- I can think of a few kinds of "thumb love" 87 might be interested in.

16 3
TheSithAssassin 15

Props for waiting, loss for having to "wake your parents". I just want to know how and in what position.

47 1
cheeks337 0

dude this is crazy this has happend to me to it f****** hurts

1 3