Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 789

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 425

You deserved it 46 479

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 620

You deserved it 2 889

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

myfairyoshi_fml 0

Friday 12 June 2009 4:16

OMG ALL THE WORLD AND REFERENCES IS NOT ABOUT TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!! There are other vampire books AND movies.... PLEASE stop talking as if Twilight was the reason for everything The only reason you immediately think that the reference was from Twilight is because you my friends are the ones that are obsessed with twilight..... (i'm just guessing here) but not her So leave it alone PLEEAAAAASSSSSSSSSSE!!!!!!!!!!!! And no i am NOT obsessed with Twilight.. i hardly even like the book.... but yes i do like it...... so no i am not a hypocrite And for me i first thought of Dracula and that she most be a 'Vampire' (which is a style/life style choice..... it's like goth........ but it's not) And that is the end of my rant..... Thank you.

Silas_fml 0

Friday 12 June 2009 13:40

'Vampire' is not a lifestyle or choice. Neither is Goth. It's a ******* form of architecture, and an ancient family. All 'styles' are false. Read a book other than Twilight, hypocrite. Of course this is about goddamn Twilight. It's the biggest fad right now. No one can mention the word Vampire without someone jumping in and going 'OMG HAVE U SEEN DA NEW TWILIGHT FILM STILLS?!?!LOLSLS EDWARD IS SOOO HOT'. Anyone who defends Twilight and then tried to back up their words with any form of logic instantly becomes moot. Idiot.

kitti_ 0

Friday 12 June 2009 19:10

LOL@ #565 (or what ever number it is, it keeps changing on me...) for thinking Goth and Vampirism is a lifestyle choice. Look these things up before making a fool of yourself.

Silas_fml 0

Saturday 13 June 2009 3:10

Haha, I just learnt the trick of saying the name instead of the number, Kitti. FML is messing up badly. I am, right now, 565, and I said what you said, People are fools.

MissyWissyKach 0

Saturday 13 June 2009 4:10

people who like twilight as much as that should be shot i mean rly. i dont like twilight, but if i did i owuldnt tell my man to be a vampire. tell her she needs to get out of her fantasy world tell her to get a life and break up with that lil scowndrel