Intimacy: Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful...

By Hallllo - 11/05/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 303

You deserved it 9 101

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/12/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 876

You deserved it 11 718

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

By heartbroke - 03/11/2012 10:02 - United States - Erie

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 581

You deserved it 3 485

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 117

You deserved it 34 789

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 309

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 425

You deserved it 46 479

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

By Clader - 10/12/2008 03:09 - France

Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 620

You deserved it 2 889

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 693

You deserved it 39 006

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 19 343

Luckster 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:12

Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.

Millybug 0

Monday 11 May 2009 12:14

And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.

Comments

DieselGirl 0

Tuesday 16 June 2009 12:23

I love the twilight books, and i love the twilight movie, i am a huge fan, but never have i ever wanted to have an edward cullen, lol i want the love that he has for bella (without all the creepy watch me sleep and all that jazz) i am a fan of it, and i think he is sexy. BUT i would never shoot down an amazing guy just because of it. Some girls give us "not exactly crazy" fans a bad name. FYL bud im sorry =(

Silas_fml 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 0:09

You're all crazy. You love a series that was written specifically to appeal to the 'tastes' of pre-teen girls with no life experience or true hardships. Actually, I'm not sure if that means you're crazy, or you just have the worst taste in the world.

kcmcg09 0

Friday 19 June 2009 5:03

ummm... WTF!?!?!

_musical_addict_ 0

Friday 19 June 2009 14:33

Amen to all my fellow Twilight haters out there. We have many legitimate reasons why we hate these "books" and they are as follows: 1. Stephanie Meyer can NOT write worth a damn (I've read them so I know) 2. The story centers around an extremely old pedophile/stalker 3. Bella and Edward's relationship is the epitome of abusive relationships 4. Stephanie Meyer completely destroyed all the great things that a vampire is known to be just so she can make her fantasy little dream world "work" 5. I personally have seen relationships ruined by this crap 6. finally, and most importantly, bcause of twilight, we normal people now have to deal with screaming, horny, psychotic teen fangirls who melt and lose all their common sense just because they see a ******* PIN with the word Edward on it Really must I go on??

pocketrockets 0

Saturday 20 June 2009 2:27

Yes go on those types of girls need some common sense!

fetushead148 0

Saturday 20 June 2009 1:06

I HATE Twilight soooo much. My advice: find that beautiful girl...and drive a stake through her heart. How's that for romance?

pocketrockets 0

Saturday 20 June 2009 2:25

dude wtf is with guys getting owned by Charmed Vampires, girls can wish it all they want, but seriously it's a flippin dream! If you set your standards to high on guys you lose out big time no joke.

Silas_fml 0

Saturday 20 June 2009 20:34

Does anyone know what the **** is going on with FML? All of the ones I was following just disappeared from my account, the new commenting system is horrible, the new homepage display is horrible, and this FML just lost half of its comments...

bottomofthesea 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 6:16

Wow she is in a fantasy...Twilight addicts man I hate them it is so annoying!!!!! "I wish you were a vampire!" blah blah blah. Bitches!!!!!! Man I hate that Edward guy!!!!!

Jasmlim 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 10:07

stop the twilight h8in. next time you see her just whisper "forever" into her ear and i betcha u'l get laid ;) you just gotta work the vampire thing to your advantage