Cats, Fear, Spiders, Halloween and Animals: Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom...

FML for mobile
Free

By mutantprincess - 12/01/2016 10:48 - Australia

Today, after waking up to find a large spider outside my bedroom door and screaming, waking up my mum to kill it, she then sprayed it and went to pick it up. She then informed me it was made of plastic. My cat had got into the Halloween decorations from the spare room and decided to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 651

You deserved it 5 510

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Panic in the sheets

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 03:30

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 578

You deserved it 252

By thatsnotacat - 21/11/2013 17:52 - Australia - West End

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 537

You deserved it 3 360

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 263

You deserved it 3 584

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 294

You deserved it 14 266

By Halloweenie - 16/10/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 163

You deserved it 5 455

By eyes wide SHIT - 28/12/2013 01:37 - Australia

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 028

You deserved it 5 962

By JustLeaveThem - 25/01/2017 18:00

Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 745

You deserved it 295

By eightleggedtictac - 08/06/2014 15:10 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 789

You deserved it 6 858

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 330

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 336

You deserved it 7 654

TheLadyOpal 30

Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:45

You're in Australia, you're excused.

UncleCaitlyn 21

Tuesday 12 January 2016 18:45

Can never be too safe. At least you didn't skip to burning your house down right away

Comments

katina1236 20

Tuesday 12 January 2016 23:01

You got pranked by your cat. That's awesome. But you're from Australia and spiders get pretty big so it's understandable

Tomato_Cheese 22

Tuesday 12 January 2016 23:26

I found a ******* massive huntsman bigger than my face ;)

gatorgirl1023 9

Tuesday 12 January 2016 23:38

f your mom's life. not yours. you woke her up for that

Youre_A_Pussy 19

Tuesday 12 January 2016 23:58

Just read my name.

punmessiah 28

Wednesday 13 January 2016 2:20

at first I bought you were just being dramatic but then I realized you live in australia

CaptainBlack 18

Wednesday 13 January 2016 4:58

When I first read this I was wondering how a spider managed to scream

Shade1982 20

Wednesday 13 January 2016 11:28

Hahahaha, for some reason, your comment made me think of a spider version of the screaming caterpillar in the Simpsons :P

aeryn97 17

Wednesday 13 January 2016 5:01

your cat is out to kill you. this is definitely a sure sign. lol

teacupofsunshine 29

Wednesday 13 January 2016 6:38

I think u pissed your cat off. He's probably planing more sweet revenge. Beware of today's events.

tomvertigo 17

Thursday 14 January 2016 10:12

I was going to call you a wuss until I saw you are from Australia.

JonCena 10

Thursday 14 January 2016 10:33

I thought Australians were used to huge red backs running the place

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Embarrassing Introverts Mental health Miscellaneous Animals Cats Geek Awkward Work Politics Parents Weird Video games Teenagers Gamers Relatable Hair Love Poopoo peepee Intimacy Kids Sex I need your advice Anniversary Weather Cute Kittens Underwear Gross

The Top

Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 628

Today, I was hanging in the street with the boys, listening to some jams on my car's new speaker system. Some asshole from the apartments above me threw a bag of trash at my car. Direct hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 919

The Top

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 606

You deserved it 4 888

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 981

You deserved it 7 445

Today, since I've been single my whole life, my parents decided to get me to think about what I would want in a relationship. The ensuing conversation made me realize why I am single: not only do I have a major lack of confidence, but I also just don't know how to talk to people, much less people I'm interested in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 128

Today, my coworker warned me that if I made one more dad joke, she’d belt me with a frying pan. Alas, I did not believe her capable of such violence, which is why I now sit here with a bag of frozen peas pressed to the 3-inch lump on the back of my head. Plus she was sacked, so now I feel horribly guilty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 706

Today, I learned that it doesn't matter how good you've screwed a satellite dish onto the side of your house, it won't stop the wind the ripping it off and taking half the wall with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 384

You deserved it 3 025

Today, I was hit by a car. My sister ran to see if her phone I was carrying in my purse was okay. She screamed at me while I lay in the street because I was so dumb, and that I couldn't even watch for cars. Her screen was cracked. I had to call 911 for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 771

You deserved it 4 026

Same thing different taste

Panic in the sheets

Chance encounter

Leave spiders to chill

Top comments

Comments