Intimacy: Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen...

By Anonymous - 12/07/2012 06:40 - United States - Houston

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 358

You deserved it 4 735

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Same thing different taste

By ElephantLover - 11/12/2013 20:14 - United States - San Diego

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 861

You deserved it 5 400

By noantiquesforme - 30/03/2015 18:39 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 752

You deserved it 2 731

By sammy18f - 24/02/2015 03:46 - United States - Brentwood

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 116

You deserved it 3 784

By theunluckylifeofme - 26/06/2013 20:33 - United States - Gilroy

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 771

You deserved it 5 111

By not a dick-man - 12/08/2014 17:05 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 734

You deserved it 31 571

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:31 - Canada

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 241

You deserved it 6 619

By Anonymous - 01/12/2011 03:11 - United States

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 361

You deserved it 4 398

By bridezilla - 05/07/2009 04:12 - Canada

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 497

You deserved it 6 861

By lovingthis - 09/01/2013 16:48 - United States - Largo

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 204

You deserved it 5 249

I am sexy

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 18:00

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 500

bengermin 5

Thursday 12 July 2012 15:51

It'd probably have been way scarier if it had tusks.

KBeatz 5

Thursday 12 July 2012 15:53

You should have kicked the elephant in the chin.

Comments

snafu63 0

Friday 13 July 2012 1:38

I take you've never kissed the bunny then either. And ydi because sex nose is probably the worst euphemism for dick that I've ever heard.

mosquito19 14

Friday 13 July 2012 1:57

sex nose? some how you made saxual harassment sounds fun for everyone

mserrato 8

Friday 13 July 2012 2:21

Ive got to admit thats the most epic pick up line ive ever heard.

iwadasn 32

Friday 13 July 2012 3:35

That's not a pick-up line, that's indecent exposure.

sockmonkey576 6

Friday 13 July 2012 10:26

True dat! Haha!

iMandyx3 5

Friday 13 July 2012 2:38

Dirty pervert,

rainbowkissies 14

Friday 13 July 2012 3:06

DUMB! sorry, OP. i hope it didnt get much father than that.

chubbles 9

Friday 13 July 2012 3:09

You deserve it for saying the phrase 'sex hose'

DedaGrotesque187 0

Friday 13 July 2012 21:54

Obviously you have no idea what she said or you have really fat fingers on that QWERTY! lol stfu Sex Nose* is funny! ^_^

Starcuse 4

Friday 13 July 2012 3:34

Stole this from Bubz beauty's Facebook. How rude.

KiddNYC1O 20

Friday 13 July 2012 3:58

Haha, good one.

hockeyoceancity 13

Friday 13 July 2012 4:38

98- Hey dumbass, i was talking about it's penis. It is a fact, google it. So shut the **** up if you don't know the facts.

AgaveLoco 5

Friday 13 July 2012 4:54

Next time hit the elephant under the "sex nose" and see his face turns white as his ears

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Today, I really wanted to spend a night of passion with my lover, so I'd arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number, and waited for him in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it slowly and enticingly, assuming it was him. It was room service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 406

You deserved it 11 953

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 292

You deserved it 4 693

The Top

Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 152

Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 367

You deserved it 3 113

Today, my fiancé and I both got fired from a job we desperately needed. Why? A friend had practiced sticking him for a phlebotomy class, so he had bandaids on his arms. I was nervous and shaky, as it was my first day. Apparently, this means that we are both IV drug users. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 171

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I agree, your life sucks 28 417

You deserved it 2 840

Today, I slipped and fell on the ice while attending a community event for work. A man came to help me up, and I farted really loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 137

Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 950

You deserved it 6 436

Same thing different taste

I am sexy

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