Money: Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

By Optimus_Prime97 - 03/05/2012 02:39 - United States

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 935

You deserved it 31 806

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Same thing different taste

By violated ._. - 22/08/2013 22:45 - United States

Today, I did something I'd always wanted to do: I went swimming with dolphins. It was really fun, until I went to kiss the dolphin, and she slipped her tongue half into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 317

You deserved it 15 396

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 11:49 - Malaysia

Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 807

You deserved it 7 555

By Betchsadface - 13/07/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 774

You deserved it 10 795

Cough up

By anbrown6 - 12/04/2009 17:55 - United States

Today, I found my dog, who had been missing for over a month, at the local pound. Clearly it was my dog, she responded to her name and cried when she saw me. However, the woman there told me I could not simply take her, I had to follow through with all policies. I paid $250 to adopt my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 267

You deserved it 9 892

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 11:29 - Australia

Today, I bought a new goldfish. While leaving my fish on my balcony to go get fish food, I hear a loud squawk and splash, I race outside to see a bird flying off with my fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 409

You deserved it 43 025

By Jayman223 - 10/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Reno

Today I adopted a dog. He ran away the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 744

You deserved it 1 163

By Bubba - 23/09/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 673

You deserved it 11 077

By That idiot - 28/08/2014 02:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 407

You deserved it 3 625

By bels12 - 05/01/2010 05:15 - Australia

Today, I bought a new Siamese Fighting Fish. I was so happy with my new fish so I bought him an expensive lovely bowl, some weeds, and a toy for the bowl. I left the room to get the fish food. When I returned, the fish was gone, and the cat was sitting on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 915

You deserved it 9 349

By Fish Breath - 03/06/2016 22:26 - United States - Bloomington

Today, as part of my job at a pet store, I helped our frat house president pick out goldfish for the new aquarium the big brothers are installing over summer break. And, once I'm initiated, I'll get to swallow one of the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 035

You deserved it 4 130

YdoIhaveAchode 4

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:19

How do you "accidentally" adopt a dolphin?

waresjake 3

Thursday 3 May 2012 8:23

You're going to get so many bitches with a dolphin

Comments

WoodyGamer 1

Friday 18 May 2012 20:34

how drunk were you?

gaff1229 1

Saturday 19 May 2012 19:06

You got a bargain. Make sure it's not a second-hand dolphin.

justicemarielove 0

Sunday 20 May 2012 21:41

Y did people dislike this??? :( I think it's awesome and I also want to know how :D I want a dolphin

noodleboix 10

Monday 21 May 2012 23:32

how the hell do u adopt a dolphin??? im calling bs

antonios1024 0

Friday 25 May 2012 3:09

dolphins are dumb

kriz_allizwell 6

Sunday 10 June 2012 13:11

Are u sure you didnt do it on porpoise?

weasils117 1

Monday 2 July 2012 5:14

How exactly do you "accidentally" adopt a dolphin??

Anthonyman 0

Saturday 7 July 2012 8:42

Oh... My.... God.... That is ******* AWESOME!!

AzzieC 12

Wednesday 25 July 2012 23:43

Cooool what r u gonna put it in

Ilikeike 4

Sunday 29 July 2012 17:54

What did ya name him?

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Today, as a teacher, I was grading some essays when I yet again came across the word "unalive" when discussing the assassinations of JFK and Abraham Lincoln. As in, "JFK was unalived." I know language inevitably mutates over time, but us teachers don't have demonetization filters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 73

Today, I found out that when you gain too much weight, your penis can get significantly smaller. After noticing that things had been "off" in the bedroom, my girlfriend and I decided to measure it. There was significant shrinkage. I guess it's time to start working out. FML

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 309

You deserved it 231

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I agree, your life sucks 37 067

You deserved it 3 238

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I agree, your life sucks 31 339

You deserved it 2 543

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I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 218

Today, I trusted a fart in the bathtub. I really shouldn't have. It came out loose like a brown cloud, so I had to shower to wash the shit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 952

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 666

You deserved it 611

Same thing different taste

Cough up

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