Animals: Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while... - FML

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By catbum - 10/11/2016 03:54 - Canada - Regina

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 603

You deserved it 1 495

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Same thing different taste

Revenge will be sweet

By Kitty at my foot - 20/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cat's paw and she let out a deafening screech of pain. After treating her like a queen for the rest of the day as an apology, I accidentally kicked her in the dark, sending her flying up against the wall. I feel as though I should sleep with one eye open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 442

By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 517

You deserved it 28 648

By crazycat - 13/05/2011 16:23 - Canada

Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 632

You deserved it 5 851

Surprise, human!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 100

Thanks, Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 06:13 - Canada

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 889

You deserved it 5 987

By crazycatlady - 24/08/2016 09:43 - United States - Ashland

Today, I woke up with my cat's asshole planted firmly on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 195

You deserved it 1 580

'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down…

By Anonymous - 14/06/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, I tripped on my coffee table and fell face first into my cat's litter box. To make it even worse, my cat was in there doing his business and, pun not intended, I scared the shit out of him. He ran away terrified, then I tripped over HIM while I was going to take a shower. Today is not my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 214

By Anonymous - 13/02/2014 15:20 - United States - Reno

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 288

You deserved it 19 008

Stuck in the middle

By Mark - 20/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 705

You deserved it 571

Showtime

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 312

Next

Top comments

allykaymorris 24

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:21

I imagine he'll butt out of your personal space more quickly, from now on.

chirstinap325 23

Thursday 10 November 2016 16:25

If he wasn't conspiring anything against you before, he probably wouldn't now either I imagine.

Comments

nuclearcat 4

Thursday 10 November 2016 19:03

FML + FCL (f*ck cat life) If cat can use internet, he will be first to write here, that he didn't expected punishment from his owner will go so much far.

storrent 14

Thursday 10 November 2016 19:09

Were you pushing him off using one finger...?

ReverseOsmosis 4

Thursday 10 November 2016 19:35

Did you like it?

PikarooArtist 17

Thursday 10 November 2016 20:28

Wow, this takes fingering the pussy to a whole new meaning.

cuz803 44

Thursday 10 November 2016 21:59

Awww poor cat getting unwantedly fingered :(

hpandher 16

Thursday 10 November 2016 23:33

Trump, is it you??

tigeresscrazy 12

Friday 11 November 2016 4:40

Op I feel bad for both you an your cat

Blurgas 16

Friday 11 November 2016 5:05

My condolences on the loss of your finger

gilbertclarence 9

Monday 14 November 2016 23:30

must be a big cat

Twisted_Angel 17

Friday 18 November 2016 5:16

Accident, sure that's what they all say. Followed by "sorry, it slipped" lol, jk. sorry op, poor Kitty.

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The Top

Today, thanks to that goddamn Trump, my business is going under. All the guys I count on to do jobs have dipped, and hiring new ones will force me to hike my prices through the roof. I'm going to have to cancel three contracts and might get sued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 448

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "Wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!" Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 251

You deserved it 390

The Top

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 356

You deserved it 63 347

Today, I woke up to a voicemail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 789

You deserved it 2 253

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 946

You deserved it 41 147

Today, my in-laws invited themselves to stay at my house for a few days. They live out of state and have been self-quarantining for months. The reason for visiting? So they can throw a party for extended family at our house. Guess who'll end up doing all the work and clean up? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 229

Today, I made a Craigslist ad looking for hot and horny women that wanted some. I only got one reply, from another guy asking me if this kind of thing actually works. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 131

You deserved it 42 634

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 895

You deserved it 5 736