Intimacy: Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive...

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By Anonymous - 02/02/2012 18:07 - India

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 500

You deserved it 26 056

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Same thing different taste

By not living happily ever after - 02/12/2014 17:02 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I deleted a load of junk that was messing up my mother's computer. I don't know how I'm going to tell her I accidentally wiped out all of her wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 463

You deserved it 31 482

Surprise !

By Shrekkk - 02/07/2019 06:14

Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 2 609

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:56 - Canada

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 511

You deserved it 44 128

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 241

You deserved it 96 473

MILF

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 08:03

Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 609

Ungeeked

By Anonymous - 28/02/2021 04:01 - United States - Weyauwega

Today, while trying to fix a corrupted USB hard drive with my wife’s computer I accidentally wiped her laptop drive instead of clearing the external drive. I’m not allowed on her computers anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 1 596

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 211

You deserved it 56 670

By hb1 - 04/06/2016 18:15 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I caught my "best friend" on my laptop, copying my girlfriend's nudes onto his flash drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 733

You deserved it 3 167

Two in one

By cactii - 16/02/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 460

You deserved it 14 440

NSFW

By Anonymous - 14/11/2013 10:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 679

You deserved it 47 686

21jason 9

Thursday 2 February 2012 22:43

I hope you had enough tissues

Jakesterk96 8

Thursday 2 February 2012 22:44

Take a moment with twix. Problem solved.

Comments

loserman67 35

Friday 3 February 2012 15:05

Sounds like a little Oedipus complex working it's way to the surface.

zenrael 21

Friday 3 February 2012 20:28

It is now safe to ejaculate your device.

xvenom7 0

Friday 3 February 2012 22:09

Oh wow haha that's pretty funny

HannahWho 8

Saturday 4 February 2012 0:06

Your flash drive is a penis, your argument is invalid. :D

Fooberry 9

Saturday 4 February 2012 7:43

I lol'd. Thank you for making my day. Must have been awkward though. Ahahaha.

rdrr 2

Saturday 4 February 2012 8:10

Funny thing is that she ejaculates on my hard drive all the time. Your mom is Hot!

sodapopper 6

Saturday 4 February 2012 9:40

Sure you did.

tommyfox 19

Sunday 5 February 2012 2:35

Well, I'm sure the computer is fine with you pulling out.

UltimateGK 5

Sunday 5 February 2012 5:42

hahaha

JayJavaMonsterr 10

Sunday 5 February 2012 21:15

Lol nice job!! xD

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The Top

Today, I sent my wife to a 5 hour spa day. She's now upset because she had to wait to get a pedicure, and the house wasn’t clean when she got home. We have a toddler and I was playing with her, running errands, and cooking us a family dinner. She's a stay at home mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 146

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 813

You deserved it 39 534

The Top

Today, my mom prevented me from walking a neighbor's dog because she said I'm obsessed with it. I walk the dog three times a day because that's what the neighbors pay me to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 438

You deserved it 1 622

Today, I knocked a girl lightly in the head with a prop at a costume party. I apologized profusely to the drama queen as she walked away blinking and holding her head. My boyfriend then told me that she had recently had brain surgery and it was hard for her to even leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 564

You deserved it 7 543

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 220

You deserved it 4 076

Today, I awoke to a strange feeling on my feet. It felt like a tongue, so at first thought it was the dog, but we don't have one. I looked down and it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 88

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 613

You deserved it 36 993

Today, I turned 18. My parents remembered that I loved German chocolate cake, so I awoke to a hot, fudge-filled chocolate cake with a slice cut out just for me. I've been lactose-intolerant for 8 years. As I cried, my mom handed me tissues, while eating the "Happy" part of my cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 184

You deserved it 5 667