Perhaps she lit the fire in order to destroy evidence of something? A horrible secret, burden, something she can't face or talk about, so it's being suppressed deep down. She needs someone to talk to, be an adult, act like one, enforce punishments and perhaps you could go see your GP about a psych referral for her & have a general health check up while she's there. I feel underlying turmoil, distress, angst and pain all being bottled up, pushed down and buried deep. until it gets to be too much and she erupts like mount Etna, lashing out and rebelling. You're her mum and she needs your help, strength, love, guidance and support. Go be a mum to your daughter and help her. You're also her friend. oh and to all of you saying "beat her ass", that's not going to help her face what's wrong, it may in fact exacerbate the situation.

How old is she?

time to send her for ECT. And change the locks while she's out, quickly.

Crazy* not laxy

it's called whoop her ass. as long as you don't leave a bruise its not considered child abuse

Wonder if she learned that in Juvenile Hall?

I thought I was lazy....

How old is your daughter? If she's old enough to clean her room, and apparently play with matches, she's more than old enough to be disciplined for her actions. Don't come to FML and whine about it; do something. Be a parent. That's your job as a pro-creator. She needs a swift pop on the ass, and it is NOT child abuse to do so - only if you beat her and leave bruises and scars is it considered abuse. People who can't control their kids have no business having them. Don't be one of those people, OP.

That's what happens when you don't discipline your children right. With a whip.

Well let's hope she doesn't grow up to be a pyromaniac.