Intimacy: Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well....

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 405

You deserved it 43 184

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Same thing different taste

By wowthatwould - 04/12/2011 21:39 - United States

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 408

You deserved it 46 708

By lunarboy - 17/02/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 704

You deserved it 68 953

By Char-azard - 17/05/2016 09:03 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my father bought a pair of fancy noise cancelling headphones. He doesn't realise that the noise cancelling function only slightly muffles the moaning and screaming in the porn he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 344

You deserved it 1 755

Class dismissed

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 08:01

Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 1 164

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 475

You deserved it 764

Sneaky hand shandy

By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 797

You deserved it 58 939

Now watching

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 23:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 785

You deserved it 32 356

Caught in 1080p

By wtf - 16/05/2014 22:25 - Australia - Narangba

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 639

You deserved it 14 999

By PizzaNIF - 13/07/2016 17:58 - United States - Henderson

Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 837

You deserved it 1 334

By Headphones - 21/07/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 643

You deserved it 5 707

xxbvbsusanxx 21

Thursday 28 August 2014 5:20

You really gotta watch it with those things..Try using just one..

yung_dubbs 9

Thursday 28 August 2014 5:21

Yeah I was just about to say... That's why you only wear one while doing that man. That's just stupid lol that's jack off 101

Comments

GlasgowSneer 13

Thursday 28 August 2014 5:24

Reminds me of a picture I read. Mom texts her son like, "Son, what are you doing?" And the picture was screenshot on Pornhub. xD

Dumbledora 9

Thursday 28 August 2014 5:26

Why on earth would you wear noise-canceling headphones while jerking off? Isn't it important to hear your surroundings so you don't get caught? *shakes head* YDI for not using common sense!

MisterGone 1

Thursday 28 August 2014 6:56

EXACTLY!

DeathcoreDoge 10

Thursday 28 August 2014 5:27

sounds like a sticky situation. .....

davincidasecond 24

Thursday 28 August 2014 9:03

Not if he didn't finish.

christian1509 21

Thursday 28 August 2014 5:30

If she wasn't home, why did you need to use noise canceling headphones?

crazytwinsmom 25

Thursday 28 August 2014 7:11

He didn't want to miss any of the great dialogue due to outside noise.

ShadowlessSpear 21

Thursday 28 August 2014 11:32

"great dialogue"

laden_swallow09 34

Thursday 28 August 2014 15:28

^ Hence the sarcasm.

tanabanana13 14

Friday 12 September 2014 9:21

For the surround sound realism! It's like OP was THERE!

dlocodom 6

Thursday 28 August 2014 5:31

idiot lol

vikky538 28

Thursday 28 August 2014 5:34

ha notice canceling ..and eye disturbing...

Rawrshi 25

Thursday 28 August 2014 5:43

Lock the doors, close the blinds, divert mirrors away. Only then is it safe to play. I mean, really. That's basic masturbation etiquette. Well, and only having one headphone on/in and maybe the tv on for coverage noise. Just in case!

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 28 August 2014 6:22

Damn. How much noise do you make while masturbating?

Rawrshi 25

Thursday 28 August 2014 6:35

I apologize but I don't know the volume levels of my masturbation in any way that I would be able to explain. It varies from person to person, I'm sure. All I know is tv either covers it or others in my house don't care regardless. Either way, I lock my door and close the window. xD