Intimacy: Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting...

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By Marco - 01/04/2013 21:00 - United States

Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 020

You deserved it 45 651

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Same thing different taste

By Otherguy - 18/11/2008 07:36 - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 983

You deserved it 9 416

Forget me not

By ohgodwhyfml - 28/11/2015 14:32 - United States - Danbury

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 132

You deserved it 3 240

By Sal - 09/02/2009 18:32 - United States

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 790

You deserved it 5 286

By Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 120

You deserved it 34 800

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 456

You deserved it 42 573

To do what?

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 02:00 - Australia - Shailer Park

Today, I opened my boyfriend's bedside table drawer. There was a condom wrapper in there. We don't use condoms. He claims he didn’t have sex with anybody, he just wanted to put the condom over his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 206

It's a trap!

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637 031

You deserved it 799 205

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 1 869

By mrdave - 04/07/2009 05:54 - Canada

Today, I looked in my pocket for the phone number of a girl I met last night at a party. I remembered us talking and exchanging phone numbers. When I found the piece of paper, I discovered that instead of writing her number down, I had drunkenly written down my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 905

You deserved it 46 478

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 308

You deserved it 12 392

Squygm 7

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:06

Well, it's not good for the quality of the condom to keep them in your wallet anyway.

lissa_jade 22

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:11

"don't have sex because you will get pregnant and die." looks like drunk you was remembering coach carr's sex ed lesson. he was just looking out for you!

Comments

blink_kid 32

Tuesday 2 April 2013 9:48

At least drunk you used a condom.

attitude_angel 15

Tuesday 2 April 2013 17:59

Or tried, anyway

Jharrist89 12

Tuesday 2 April 2013 10:11

Maybe it was a sign that you shouldn't bang her?

ryan112 12

Tuesday 2 April 2013 10:14

YDI. What man doesn't have a stash of condoms somewhere in his house?

asherm 15

Tuesday 2 April 2013 11:19

Of course if she was smart, she'd carry a few in purse. Or maybe she doesn't use them, so there's a sign....

coldsteelstu 4

Tuesday 2 April 2013 13:05

besides having an empty wrapper in your wallet. you took her back to your place..... not like it was some random park or bathroom. you haven't done this to often have you. you always have condoms at home.

TisAPenguin 16

Tuesday 2 April 2013 15:25

This is why I used to carry condoms. Chicks don't understand that they can take responsibility too.

TheJester12 15

Tuesday 2 April 2013 15:47

I believe this would be the time to tell her that the emperors new clothes actually just came out with a planned parenthood section at Walmart . " so thin you can't even SEE it ! " amazing !

Ziggy122 15

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:03

Hey, at least you remembered to protect yourself when you were drunk...

Ali_Br_fml 33

Tuesday 2 April 2013 16:20

For some reason, it reminded me of the Eddie Murphy movie the Nutty Professor. Drunk you is the skinny you, a total jerk... Either that or drunk you really likes to jerk it in a condom... Lol