Miscellaneous: Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge...

By down trodden - 05/09/2013 07:45 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 444

You deserved it 3 310

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Same thing different taste

Busted!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 1 161

By ohnolunch - 05/03/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, and made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informs me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 741

You deserved it 15 974

By swedishdude - 14/11/2009 13:37 - Sweden

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 017

You deserved it 36 916

Drugs are bad

By Mike Capobianco - 22/08/2021 02:01

Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 85

Chillin' with Satan

By Anonymous - 06/12/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I sat down on my couch with a nice cool beer after a tough day at work. I tried opening a bag of chips. The bag exploded, covering me in chips and crumbs, turning me into a sticky human nacho. Well, my dog certainly saw me as a snack, and I had to shower and change clothes. So much for relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 134

Trippin' out

By Anonymous - 21/08/2023 08:00

Today, my dog ate an entire bag of my boyfriend’s shrooms. She got incredibly sick and had to be admitted to doggie hospital. My entire family was worried that we would lose her. All except my boyfriend, who was more upset that his shrooms were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 316

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 244

You deserved it 2 654

By Anonymous - 01/09/2015 04:37 - New Zealand - Albany

Today, I invited an acquaintance over for tea. When he came in, I told him to make himself at home. He took it literally and now half of my pantry is messed up, my boyfriend's chocolate supply is gone, and I'm pretty sure our couch is broken. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 701

You deserved it 3 697

By GonnaLockUpMySpices - 30/10/2015 01:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 947

You deserved it 1 833

Do not feed the workers

By Kellz - 20/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, at work, I tried to sneakily open a bag of chips I had hidden in my desk drawer. The bag decided to explode as soon as I tore it open, sending chips flying everywhere. My boss chose that exact moment to walk by and saw me on the floor, frantically picking up chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 406

Pleonasm 35

Thursday 5 September 2013 16:07

He sounds like a fungi to be around! Don't be so sporing OP, have a laugh!

Renesaga 8

Thursday 5 September 2013 16:02

That's prettt much how I spend everyday, even without shrooms.

Comments

mookiemookie01 24

Thursday 5 September 2013 20:06

Lol that is fantastic. You worded that beautifully. Did you have to google "How to look after someone high on mushrooms?" I certainly wouldn't know off the top of my head.

EffYoLife 14

Thursday 5 September 2013 21:21

so you can't call FML posts F@KE without getting an alert to read the FAQs? ugh this one is dumb and Im not reading the FAQs

chocolatefrog28 29

Thursday 5 September 2013 21:30

Please tell me you got video of this.

Dipmunch 13

Thursday 5 September 2013 21:46

That bag of chips was probably his shield and the automatic vacuum cleaner was totally a dragon

LittleMagicWolf 7

Friday 6 September 2013 1:09

I feel like this would make a good animated short.

emuexport 4

Friday 6 September 2013 2:15

Did you film it :)

goliatron 9

Friday 6 September 2013 2:34

This is a common mistake that I, too, often make.

martin8337 35

Friday 6 September 2013 3:29

Couldn't tell the difference between peanut butter and mushrooms? HDI.

christalyeager 13

Friday 6 September 2013 5:02

That's actually one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life, if I saw this happening I would probably just cry from laughing so hard

dawood_k 27

Friday 6 September 2013 5:17

How the **** do people get joy or even taking joy on someone's drug habit. It's sad that people are proud or want to associate with such utter nonsense. Get a life, and better the society around you and contribute positively.