Miscellaneous: Today, I decided to make what I thought was a pretzel recipe....

This is the pretzel recipe I used. http://sallysbakingaddiction.com/2012/12/25/30-minute-whole-wheat-pretzels/ As for the play dough it's 2-3 cups of flour, 1-2 cups of water, 1 cup of salt, and 2 tablespoons of vegetable oil.

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Today, there was a long queue at the store, and behind me were two senior citizens. I wanted to do a good deed, so I said, "Cut before me in line, I have all the time in the world." My reward? The old man scolded me because I supposedly insinuated that they were old, and only had a short time left to live. FML

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Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

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Today, my dog was run over. The man who ran over my dog was taking his own dog to the emergency vet. As the man awkwardly tried to apologise to me, he said, "Think of the irony". FML

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Today, I got a new smartphone and wanted to surprise my girlfriend with a naughty picture with it. A few minutes after sending it, I got a reply back from my girlfriend. And my best friend. And my sister. And everyone on my contacts list. FML

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Today, a customer greeted me with, "So! When's the baby coming!?" I'm NOT pregnant. I just gain weight in my guts. FML

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Today, after many tests and doctor visits, I finally found out the reason for my flu-like symptoms isn't a vitamin deficient or anything. The damn tea I drink every morning makes me feel sick. FML

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Today, I overheard my six year-old step-son playing with his sister and cousin. His sister was the baby, cousin the step-dad, and he got to be “the best one” because he was the "real dad." FML

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Today, I was supposed to get married. Instead, my sister made up a story about me cheating on my fiancé at the bachelorette party. He bought it and dumped me, despite there being no evidence of this. Turns out it was all a plan because they were secretly seeing each other for months. FML

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