Intimacy, Embarrassing, Porn and Wanker: Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were... - FML

By lunarboy - 17/02/2009 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 704

You deserved it 68 953

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Same thing different taste

Class dismissed

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 1 164

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Franklin Park

Spicy

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 405

You deserved it 43 187

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 12 091

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 848

You deserved it 2 434

Sneaky hand shandy

By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Spicy

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 797

You deserved it 58 940

By Headphones - 21/07/2009 21:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 643

You deserved it 5 707

Caught spunk-handed

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 2 221

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 20:21 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 632

You deserved it 77 891

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 4 488

On a loop

By Anonymous - 28/10/2023 05:00 - United States - St Louis

Spicy

Today, I got home after a long day and decided to unwind a bit. I put some porn on the TV but promptly fell asleep. I woke up three hours later to the same video playing, but realized a had left my blinds open. I broadcasted three hours of Athena Faris having sex to my whole street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 481

Next

Top comments

crazybaish69 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 6:19

WOW thats bad.

icanhazfmlz 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 6:57

What a nice roommate.

Comments

wickliffe 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 4:15

win for your room mate though!

woahmandi 0

Saturday 11 July 2009 12:42

haha. that was freaking hilarious. your roomate sounds awesome.

Woop_Woop 0

Thursday 20 August 2009 21:53

thats a good **** watching tip there kids

thatpianoguy612 0

Sunday 6 September 2009 8:15

Just common sense, really.

aidenkush 0

Saturday 27 February 2010 21:03

hahahahahahahaha!!!

z620 0

Thursday 11 March 2010 5:05

1 wierd 2 fail

alimx 6

Wednesday 14 April 2010 22:28

agree.

txgirl2013 14

Monday 3 May 2010 21:48

wow.and you couldn't tell that the headphones wasn't plugged in? YDI for being a horny ****

My2864 1

Sunday 13 June 2010 3:45

why do ya whack off when someome else is in the room? asleep or not

MiGman 5

Thursday 24 June 2010 3:04

#23 lots of people. op it's called an iPod touch

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You deserved it 73

Today, during my staff Google Meet conference, I forgot to mute my mic when I joined and I was still listening to a true crime podcast. I started to notice people's confused looks and realized they were all hearing the details of the bodies found. FML

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The Top

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You deserved it 2 388

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I agree, your life sucks 66 882

You deserved it 3 821

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You deserved it 574

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past six months. My name's on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 819

You deserved it 442

Today, I had to email my professor, saying, "I can't go to the event assigned in place of class today, due to the mass shooter in the sewers." Gotta love living in the USA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 180

Today, after a year of staying at home, I finally went out. I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe, so my mum decided to scream at me and slap me so I'd become "normal". FML

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You deserved it 252