Intimacy, Embarrassing, Porn and Wanker: Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were...

By lunarboy - 17/02/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 704

You deserved it 68 953

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Same thing different taste

Class dismissed

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 08:01

Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 1 164

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 405

You deserved it 43 187

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 12 091

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 848

You deserved it 2 434

Sneaky hand shandy

By Skylan - 13/11/2008 10:31 - France

Today, I took advantage of the fact that my wife was sleeping to watch porn on my computer. I put headphones on so that she wouldn't hear, but It wasn't until she came out of the bedroom that I realised I hadn't plugged them in properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 797

You deserved it 58 940

By Headphones - 21/07/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 643

You deserved it 5 707

Caught spunk-handed

By Anonymous - 28/07/2020 23:01

Today, I was watching porn in the living room with the volume turned up, because I was under the impression that my family had already left for vacation. It turns out my cousin and his girlfriend were upstairs the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 2 221

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 20:21 - Canada

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 632

You deserved it 77 891

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 4 488

On a loop

By Anonymous - 28/10/2023 05:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I got home after a long day and decided to unwind a bit. I put some porn on the TV but promptly fell asleep. I woke up three hours later to the same video playing, but realized a had left my blinds open. I broadcasted three hours of Athena Faris having sex to my whole street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 481

crazybaish69 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 6:19

WOW thats bad.

icanhazfmlz 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 6:57

What a nice roommate.

Comments

Haha_no_123 11

Thursday 26 January 2012 1:20

You couldn't tell the headphones weren't in? But your roommate sounds cool..... That's a good thing still......

lowercaseG 13

Saturday 18 August 2012 7:19

Awkkkkkwarrrddd

SiriusOrionBlack 20

Sunday 25 November 2012 16:18

my mom does that ALL the TIME. except she watches AOL news videos or movies off of Netflix...

brittyboo123 35

Wednesday 15 May 2013 14:23

Nice roommate

corocoro 30

Wednesday 14 August 2013 15:22

Hmm, I think this is the sixth FML I read about people being unable to plug in headphones correctly. Seriously, it's not that hard, people.

brand125 17

Wednesday 9 April 2014 6:59

ydi for masturbating so close to your roomate... i'd be so creeped out

carbonbasedcynic 17

Monday 14 April 2014 3:39

I laughed a little too hard at this one

lmfao_forreal 7

Wednesday 16 April 2014 5:15

Great job

xaznxthaigerx 5

Wednesday 25 June 2014 21:18

that's actually pretty funny. What a nice roommate. Haha.

imsara_fml 2

Monday 1 September 2014 19:59

awesome roommate lmao

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 334

You deserved it 4 255

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

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You deserved it 9 464

The Top

Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 489

You deserved it 13 294

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

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You deserved it 252

Today, it's gotten to the point where I can't afford my ADD medication anymore. Now, I'm literally too poor to pay attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 98

Today, after days of looking for it, I finally found the ring my boyfriend gave to me. It was on my roommate's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 671

You deserved it 2 740

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 467

You deserved it 3 327

Today, my laptop was slow so I used my husband’s laptop. I went to the bedroom and found it opened, so I moved the trackpad and it powered on. The first thing I see is a page with redhead porn, and another tab with nude redheads. You know who else is a redhead? The new girl at his job he tells me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 134