Intimacy: Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink...

By socially awkward - 10/03/2012 06:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 317

You deserved it 8 927

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

By sickened - 25/08/2009 14:17 - Philippines

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 758

You deserved it 68 061

Mommy's little helper

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 727

You deserved it 39 009

Unfazed and dazed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 542

You deserved it 3 700

By jcesom - 29/07/2009 05:53 - United States

Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 548

You deserved it 15 944

Wanking in the New Year

By Lonesome - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bossier City

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 798

You deserved it 13 297

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 982

You deserved it 46 605

Sneaky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 005

You deserved it 5 094

Pros and cons

By aylla - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 409

You deserved it 2 493

By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 945

You deserved it 3 028

Betz 10

Saturday 10 March 2012 12:00

Use that same amount of alcohol to get her drunk instead. Problem solved.

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Saturday 10 March 2012 12:10

Get off the Internet, Raaj.

Comments

sealpop09 8

Sunday 11 March 2012 6:47

Well hello raj koothrappali

masterass333 0

Sunday 11 March 2012 13:43

Off to see the wizard!

ManiacsRose 10

Sunday 11 March 2012 14:59

At least you know you won't get an STD from black out sex, and if you find a girl at a bar - get comfortable enough so she wants to have sex with you, and don't initiate it while drunk - she'll probably jump on you when you finally go out on that sober date. Then you'll get sex alllllll the time. Depending on the girl. One night stands might be great, but they require rejection immunity/being able to be rejected without harm to confidence, charm, and experience. Higher chance of getting an STD, or a crazy person. Relationships/Dating you get to know the crazy person, and having a sexual history chat is foreplay.

MetalxSoldier 26

Sunday 11 March 2012 18:04

Well, I thought it was funny. Toy Story quote right?

Kayaker96 3

Sunday 11 March 2012 19:01

CATCH 22

Turock27 7

Sunday 11 March 2012 23:59

Rajesh!

picturescrazy 24

Monday 12 March 2012 0:35

You seriously need alcohol to talk to women? I think you should work on that first, rather than try to get them to sleep with you & your whiskey dick (: Only girls you're going to be bringing home anyway are slutty, not worth the risk of catching something.