Intimacy: Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink...

By socially awkward - 10/03/2012 06:00 - United States

Today, I discovered that the amount of alcohol I have to drink to build up enough courage to talk to women at a bar is the exact amount of alcohol that prevents me from getting a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 318

You deserved it 8 927

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

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Same thing different taste

By sickened - 25/08/2009 14:17 - Philippines

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 758

You deserved it 68 065

Mommy's little helper

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 727

You deserved it 39 013

Unfazed and dazed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 542

You deserved it 3 701

By jcesom - 29/07/2009 05:53 - United States

Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 551

You deserved it 15 944

Wanking in the New Year

By Lonesome - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bossier City

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 800

You deserved it 13 303

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 983

You deserved it 46 606

Sneaky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 007

You deserved it 5 094

Pros and cons

By aylla - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was diagnosed with vertigo. It's like being perpetually drunk, but without any of the fun bits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 411

You deserved it 2 493

By myusofwe - 06/02/2016 01:33 - Puerto Rico - Caguas

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 946

You deserved it 3 028

Betz 10

Saturday 10 March 2012 12:00

Use that same amount of alcohol to get her drunk instead. Problem solved.

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Saturday 10 March 2012 12:10

Get off the Internet, Raaj.

Comments

SummerTime69 5

Saturday 10 March 2012 15:29

Raj from The Big Bang Theory has you beat.

alexalex224 0

Saturday 10 March 2012 15:30

Don't take a mans money

tigereye360 1

Saturday 10 March 2012 16:18

You commented on the wrong fml...

rubberduckie94 13

Saturday 10 March 2012 15:54

I think maybe just maybe if you are old enough to be legally drinking in a bar you should be able to talk to someone without the aid of alcohol. And since you reference talking to women and not being able to get a boner I am going to assume you are looking for random hook up. Maybe you should seek out a couple friends with benefits. Much safer in more ways than one than random strangers in a bar. You don't want to catch something.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 10 March 2012 19:26

I disagree; people can be painfully shy well into adulthood, and many are. Sometimes, you don't just "grow out of that".

mzkay7 1

Saturday 10 March 2012 16:49

Just relax and be yourself. That way you know the girl likes you for who you are :)

loufol22 5

Saturday 10 March 2012 18:36

Wow that sucks... Sorry I have no good advice

SeemsToFail 0

Saturday 10 March 2012 19:16

Thats not so bad...just talk to them and in a way this is a WIN, You dont want that thing to just pop up in the middle of a conversation

tdawg4200 0

Saturday 10 March 2012 19:21

Pay a hooker. Man up. By the way. Only losers and old people don't have sex

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 10 March 2012 19:31

Um, sex is a choice. If a person isn't interested in sex and therefore doesn't want to have sex, it doesn't make them a loser. You're kind of an asshole.

5t3ff1k4h 44

Saturday 10 March 2012 19:36

27 - Personally, I hate when guys are overly cocky like that. I admire confidence but that's just ridiculous, and I'm sure I'm not the only girl who feels this way. We're not objects. Edit: Apologies for posting in the wrong spot. Didn't realize.