Health: Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated...

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By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 766

You deserved it 40 924

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Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 121

By Poopie - 29/01/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 229

You deserved it 3 222

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 453

You deserved it 9 417

Ever Given

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 20:00 - United States - Elverson

Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 312

I've known for ages

By Crap - 28/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 092

You deserved it 7 188

By June - 19/05/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 627

You deserved it 74 798

By firegirl - 05/07/2018 15:00

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 921

You deserved it 378

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 312

You deserved it 7 535

Trumpet solo

By Churizmo - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone fell silent as my dad began to pray for our meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 258

You deserved it 5 558

Anaconda

By lizbeth - 23/05/2021 04:01

Today, I took a massive shit and flushed the toilet, but it apparently didn’t flush properly. My mom then entered the bathroom, took a picture of my shit, and showed it to everyone she knows. She doesn’t understand why I’m embarrassed, and thinks that I should instead "take pride" in my giant poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 235

Misaki18 17

Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:27

Was it a boy or a girl?

HeyHeyFishFillet 34

Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:29

Rule of life #562...Always make sure you're alone before you act like a complete weirdo.

Comments

ctlnaaia71 8

Wednesday 4 September 2013 17:21

LMAO this FML is hilarious!!!

FizzyFun 8

Wednesday 4 September 2013 19:25

Hahaha, thanks for the laugh OP and commenter's. Made my day!

truepanda 2

Wednesday 4 September 2013 19:36

HAHAHA! i can imagine the things u said...

CouponQueen 1

Wednesday 4 September 2013 21:14

I would love to see that "Maury" episode!

Kiriya 7

Thursday 5 September 2013 2:47

OMG HAHA!!! Thanks for the laugh. xP

vffjvsegb 11

Wednesday 4 September 2013 22:12

That awkward moment..

JoseIsAdork 31

Thursday 5 September 2013 0:32

thank God it was at least a natural birth.. would hate to see what happened if you were looped up while this ordeal was happening... anyways congratulations... I think...

Kiriya 7

Thursday 5 September 2013 2:45

I'm the OP, but not the one who experienced this FML. lol The credit for that goes to my brother. Basically, my mom and I had come home after running errands. That's when we heard him struggling to "give birth" and starting laughing our asses off!! xD My mom eventually knocked on the door and jokingly asked if she needed to call 911. My brother was likely mortified he had been caught, but he didn't seem to care and laughed it off. When he came out he explained the situation and we all put the funny incident in the back of our minds for future funnies. xP I decided to post it here, even though I am not my brother, because I thought it would be a really terrible FML. He doesn't use this site. Anywhores, to answer a few questions... Questions relating to the "baby": I have no idea. It wasn't my body it came out of and knowing my brother he wouldn't think to give it a name or anything. wtf people?!! xDDD Why?: I have no idea again. But he's my brother and if you knew him you'd know he'd do shit like this. He has no dignity I swear. lol Should have made sure you were alone: Firstly, it wasn't me. My brother should have done that himself. lol Secondly, we all do dumb stuff when we think we're alone/quiet enough. Sometimes you just have to entertain yourself a little. xP I'm glad I made so many people laugh. If only my brother actually got on this site, then he could actually answer a few questions himself. lol I tried the best I could as the big sister though. :/