Poopoo peepee and Miscellaneous: Humpty Dumpy

Humpty Dumpy

By traumatized - 12/04/2014 18:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 449

You deserved it 9 409

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Same thing different taste

buys case of Listerine

By Sick Guy - 24/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 951

You deserved it 365

By pooplife - 30/11/2014 19:32 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 258

You deserved it 4 968

By SeatofIgnorance - 29/08/2017 04:30

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 4 988

Take a break

By Anonymous - 04/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 758

Leftovers

By Well Shit - 16/08/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, I had a really big, satisfying shit in the loo of a pub several miles from home. After getting back to my table, my stomach rumbled, and, assuming it was just gas, I let it go. What followed was approximately a litre of brown water, soaking my underwear, jeans, and chair, and dribbling onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 418

Freakout

By Anonymous - 20/03/2015 16:56 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 402

You deserved it 3 657

Help!

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 06:56 - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 406

You deserved it 8 095

By ugh - 03/09/2013 23:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 40 918

Always carry around a pencil with you

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while at work, I took one of the biggest dumps I've taken in my life. The turd was so big, I took a pencil and chopped it into small pieces because I was afraid it would clog up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 241

mea_iloveskiing 26

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:38

Sounds so dramatic

Indianboy9321 25

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:40

Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.

Comments

mea_iloveskiing 26

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:38

Sounds so dramatic

laden_swallow09 34

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:19

*overly dramatic

uoeno_fml 20

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:48

Yes, wild from start to finish

HersheySquirts 17

Sunday 13 April 2014 4:49

Come on man, I would be pretty dramatic in this event as well.

thefastnfuryass 14

Sunday 13 April 2014 19:12

Surprise muthafucka!

Indianboy9321 25

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:40

Lock the door when you...ahem...produce stool.

Cassmoneyyy 15

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:18

I used to do that when I lived withy mother in law. Now that we have our own place, it's doors open! Freeeeeeeedom! Lol. I'm probably going to get thumbed down. :'(

AliceLockehart 18

Sunday 13 April 2014 6:35

Man taking a dump with the door open is THE ultimate freedom. Thumbs up for you :)

TheDrifter 23

Sunday 13 April 2014 16:23

But it's only wise to exercise that freedom when you're not going to be hanging around in the surrounding rooms for the next half hour. The door keeps the smell from spreading.

Amoondris 17

Monday 14 April 2014 20:44

I lock the door even if I am by myself in my house. Security is more important than looking at the carpet outside my door while I sit helplessly on the toilet.

597mph 10

Wednesday 16 April 2014 22:00

Expel fecal matter.

Aka102 5

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:40

This might have been the most perfect FML I have ever read.

klovemachine 24

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:59

It paints a very vivid picture :O

thefastnfuryass 14

Sunday 13 April 2014 19:14

And it's written grammatically correct! Simply wonderful!

davidpropert 32

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:42

Well did he congratulate you for the massive log?

zandalee 19

Sunday 13 April 2014 6:36

...and ask you what the **** you ate to create such a giant sub?

DestinyNiya 33

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:43

I think you over reacted ._.

happle 21

Sunday 13 April 2014 3:46

Seriously, it's probably not the first time it's ever happened.

Black_Knight80 13

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:43

shit happens

elcee1987 18

Monday 14 April 2014 2:05

#6....I'd like to award you with the title of most original reply ever... Except it wasn't.

sanecatlady 13

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:45

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

glabberfasted 16

Sunday 13 April 2014 1:56

Well you don't have to read them! Damn

TheNoobySpartan 13

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:00

Because it says specifically on the website when you post that nothing is taboo.

DeeDeeJay 15

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:10

If you have a problem with it then why did you read it? Next time just skip over it or don't read it.

mld4657 28

Sunday 13 April 2014 2:55

Because ******** and even vomiting can be hilarious. Especially if you had pea soup for dinner and projectile vomit onto your wife whose taking a shit