By anonymous - 13/09/2012 06:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML
I agree, your life sucks 24 787
You deserved it 4 662
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Top comments

crimsonlover4 31

Wait, so they don't relocate them to Raccoon city? Damn that sucks OP!

150 9
JessalynVictoria 6

Don't wrestle raccoons. They could have rabies!!

117 2

Comments

skokob 7

That's why man has a paint ball gun! Fire some rounds around the raccoon. If he doesn't leave then give him one, that should make him leave! And if I get thumbs down for this then none of you have had a raccoon, opossum, or large rats in your house or yard!

11 23
mrmarylin2you 4

You sir have no respect for the sport or you would not use the paintball marker in such a fashion.

2 5
skokob 7

#24 what sport? Hunting with a real gun or paintball? If its paintball your talking about then when was it shown in this years olympics? Paintball is fun to play like video games but it's not a sport! That's what I think!

0 8
ChattyKathy0502 2

28- Good thing you don't get paid for thinking. I'm sure some people would argue that "table tennis" as they call it is a sport but it was I'n the olympics.

6 2
ChattyKathy0502 2

Is not a sport. And it was in*. ******* autocorrect and shit.

2 1
mrmarylin2you 4

Firstly paintball is considered an extreme sport I.e. a sport. Secondly have you read a warning label that says this is not a toy. Finally if you're going to shoot an animal use a real gun and make it a quick kill.

2 1
SenselessPattern 12

#28 Paintball is pretty damn fun. And since 'sport' is a vague term that doesn't mean just something involving balls or running, but also skill, endurance etc, I'm sure paintball could easily fall into the sport category. Don't knock it till you try it.

0 0
Tamz13 2

If an animal poses no threat to you, and you are not intending to eat it, killing it is shameful and wasteful. There is nothing wrong with using non lethal methods of deterring nuisance animals from your property.

2 1
Yodaevil 4

Wow. Let's play with the cute furry raccoon! What the worst that could happen? Next time play catch with him, use a 12 gauge.

8 10
quincykid23 6

Hell yea. This person knows their stuff! Shoot the damn thing

0 1
zero91 4

the worst thing.could.happen is op get rabies

2 1
license2chill 5

Yeah I would have some fun with the raccoon as well, just not with the 12 gauge, don't want to turn it into minced meat in my yard... Shoot it with a BB gun or something, just to enough to scare it away.

0 1
bandit5523 2

You should have called the Turtle Man "Yee Yee Yee Yee Yee Live Action!!!!"

3 4
OceanBlueSea 12

Haha animal control is cheap these days

2 4
olpally 32

you got off easy with a few scratches from the raccoon, the gopher from caddyshack would have made you blow up your yard and laughed in your face when you didn't get him! Haha.

6 0
perdix 29

You could get a garbage can with a tight-fitting lid. That's the sensible solution. Getting a bobcat would be more fun and effective.

14 1
Tragichero92 12

Yes! A Dick Figure reference finally.

1 1
doodlecloud 26

Firstly, if you were going to call animal control then why catch it? That's what they're there for. If you've already caught it yourself then you should've just released it yourself. Secondly, was it just existing in your backyard or was it actually doing something wrong. This may suprise you but your backyard is outside and animals tend to live outside...you don't have to move every living thing that happens to grace your garden. If you left it alone and don't leave trash everywhere it'll move on of it's own accord.

24 0
NoOneLovesYou 13

Well, sadly for you, animals tend to not be aware of fictitious territory markers. The real way to make sure animals know they've entered another male's domain is to go around and mark the boundaries with bodily fluid. Oh, wait, OP, you're above that, right? You can't expect animals to not wander in, then. Unless he's bothering you, he'll probably leave or is harmless anyway.

8 2
GypsyRover 0

So,you are saying you would go around peeing in your yard? I would hope op is above that! Even thou op is dumb enough to go hand to hand with a coon. You need to read your name,then read your about you.

1 6
Cleo88 6

Actually male human urine can deter raccoons. People use it to keep them away from their gardens. Just pee in metal cans and hang then around your property

0 0