Animals: Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple...

By anonymous - 13/09/2012 06:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 787

You deserved it 4 662

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Darwin smiled

By Ihateracoons - 06/09/2022 06:30

Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 5 294

By Anonymous - 18/09/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 453

You deserved it 2 928

By and god shat - 11/07/2014 23:38 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 289

You deserved it 9 085

By RaccoonFever - 10/01/2014 11:15 - United States - La Jolla

Today, I'm trapped in my apartment, due to the fact that five raccoons have decided to sit outside my only door and prevent me from getting out. Every time I look at one, they hiss at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 322

You deserved it 5 779

Pest control

By sigh - 13/04/2016 02:10 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 806

You deserved it 2 532

By catstew - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 140

You deserved it 4 446

I'm not getting paid enough for this shit

By Username - 20/10/2010 18:08 - France

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 658

You deserved it 3 495

By TheCerealKiller - 07/08/2012 09:19 - United States - Northridge

Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 314

You deserved it 2 720

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 986

You deserved it 30 600

It's alive!

By notmyrealname123 - 25/08/2014 00:08 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 726

You deserved it 6 430

crimsonlover4 31

Thursday 13 September 2012 16:05

Wait, so they don't relocate them to Raccoon city? Damn that sucks OP!

JessalynVictoria 6

Thursday 13 September 2012 16:05

Don't wrestle raccoons. They could have rabies!!

Comments

Brainnnnz 19

Thursday 13 September 2012 17:22

The raccoon was released in your front yard thanks to animal rights laws and activists preventing animal control from removing the animal from your property.

texas_redneck88 10

Thursday 13 September 2012 17:23

Just shoot the damn thing. Yes I'm sure that my comment will get down voted, but I really don't give a ******' shit if anybody doesn't like my comment

RentaName 15

Thursday 13 September 2012 17:28

Get a trap and release it yourself. The traps are very effective and easy to use.

fruitpunched_ 0

Thursday 13 September 2012 17:44

Dude it's a raccoon, chill out. If you don't want animals near your house, move to the city. Oh wait, then there are rats, cockroaches... oh yeah, animals are everywhere. Quit your bitching. I don't even understand why you called animal control anyway if you had already trapped it yourself.