Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take... - FML

By michael - 14/02/2012 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 191

You deserved it 42 016

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Your brain on alcohol

By michael - 17/07/2019 12:07

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 2 928

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 67

By gp28 - 18/02/2010 20:08 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 930

You deserved it 4 012

By SprinklerDodger - 08/06/2012 23:54 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 719

You deserved it 2 424

By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 792

You deserved it 2 217

By BrownDump - 14/05/2011 10:43 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 327

You deserved it 14 194

Put the booze down

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 14:01

Today, I shat myself in front of my girlfriend's family, after drinking too much the previous night and waking up with major stomach problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 2 087

By Sparks - 13/03/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 739

You deserved it 14 989

By Anonymous - 03/07/2014 00:59

Today, I opened my window due to the good weather. I was lucky enough to listen to the sounds of someone violently throwing up for over an hour. The window got stuck open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 503

You deserved it 4 519

You played yourself

By anon - 25/03/2013 18:31 - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 118

You deserved it 68 676

Next

Top comments

LaColombianita 26

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:01

You're just full of shitty ideas aren't you, OP?

LookOnBrightSide 12

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:01

Guessing that isn't the best idea in the world, OP. Next time, stick with regular toilets, especially when drunk.

Comments

zingline89 18

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:06

Duh. Fourth story or higher or it don't count.

DrMime 10

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:30

Psshh, try an airplane! I call it pigeoning.

nic7973 23

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:47

love it!

le_troll 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:11

LOL

DrMime 10

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:07

Why was this a bad idea? The broken arse, or the shit smears On the broken arse? If it's a good time your looking for, try moxy! The only out of production soda that'll keep you on your toes!!! Did I mention I'm legally retarded?

flockz 19

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:23

please, amateur. you have to be at least 8and a half stories up to achieve maximum splatter radius. next time leave it to the pros.

eminemop 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:38

I have much to learn.

benmec 18

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:32

Hey when you gotta poop, you gotta poop. But peeing? Now that's just outta the question!

TheJashinist 8

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:37

I kinda guessed that would be a bad idea...

sugaryspice 5

Tuesday 14 February 2012 9:42

That shouldn't fall into the category of something you have to "find out." Whatever the consequences, you totally deserved them!

lizard399 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:24

Since when do you drink and get good ideas? And why would you put yourself in such an uncomfortable position to shit? I mean come on now.. You can't try and be a Jackass, you aren't even getting paid so there's no real motivation for your stupidity, besides stupidity..

lizard399 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:28

Bah dun da dun.

jafreen 8

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:38

woah u can write names in block letters thn! ydi

AKholic47 0

Tuesday 14 February 2012 10:52

I'd laugh if someone was under you

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The Top

Today, I got a spray tan for the first time. Naked, I climbed into the booth. When the machine started I became frightened by the loud roar of the spray and couldn't breathe. I pissed myself out of fear. I now have river-like streaks down both legs where the pee washed my tan away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 905

You deserved it 91 026

Today, my 8 year-old little sister said, "F*** you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said, "Gotcha, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 120

You deserved it 4 209

The Top

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 866

You deserved it 2 078

Today, I cut my bangs. When I asked my boyfriend if he liked it he said, "It's like I'm dating a new girl, this way I won't get bored with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 643

You deserved it 8 064

Today, I realized I am one of those people who has trouble reading their own handwriting. It looks like someone trying to write in cursive when they don't even have the slightest idea what cursive writing even is. I do know what it is. I'm just very, very rusty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 286

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 682

You deserved it 3 100

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 161

You deserved it 3 660

Today, I came home to find a note on my door. I thought it was from my elderly disabled neighbors thanking me for cleaning off their snow covered car, since about 6 inches came down. It was from them, only it said I owed them for damages to their car. Damages that were already there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 618

You deserved it 3 599