some families shame their relatives because or always give their relatives shit about it

The fact he isn't telling his family is a huge red flag. He might not be telling them because he's planning to get back with her.

The boyfriend's exwife. The last statement about his family not knowing he's divorced.

The late father doesn't even make sense.

took me 4 times to understand. it's the sons ex-wife not the dead fathers.

I agree with this but Sakai don't see a reason why OP shouldn't go as well. So what if you don't like her, a funeral isn't about anyone but the person who died and being there to support their family.

I agree, but if for instance OP had never met her boyfriend's dad and there is likely to be problems between her and the ex-wife, I can see why the family might think it smarter to just ask her to stay at home. This is one of those FMLs where I'd want a lot more information before saying anything other than vague advice.

It's implied that most of the family has never met the OP. They don't know he's even divorced is the issue, not whether or not they get along. And it's not even the ex-wife's family member. Why should she be there anyway?

Extended family. You know, the kind of people you see once every five years or so. The kind of people you only see at funerals and weddings. As for why the ex-wife might want to be there, just cause she's divorced OP's boyfriend doesn't make her stop caring about them. Hell, she may have seen more of the deceased than his extended family did.

My uncles ex wife of 15 years was at my grandmothers and we don't know how long op bf and ex wife were married. My uncles current wife wasn't her decision and his home wrecker was told to hit the road. Yet I want to know how long they were divorced and if she ever met his parents if not then it's not the time for introductions.

Why is it always the response to break up maybe the dude wants to save himself the trouble and why would op want to go to a funeral if she didn't know the person who died it's just no logical

It says "it would be too awkward to explain to his EXTENDED family." The way this is worded, seems like OP knew the dad, just not the rest of the family. And honestly, I'd be debating a break up too in this situation. A divorce usually takes at least a year, he had months to inform his family. Now he wants to play pretend, with his ex wife of all people, just cause he neglected to tell the truth. They don't know he's divorced, so at the funeral they'll probably be pretending everything is normal and that they're together. As a gf, I'd be pissed. If someone can't inform their family of you, that's a red flag. They aren't serious about you, they're trying to hide you and the relationship, which just makes it seem like they're ashamed of both. Do you have any idea how bad that makes a person feel? Someone who truly cares about you, would want to include you in their family life.

No girl, I had to read it multiple times as well. It's not worded very well.

Yeah this is super poorly written, I didn't get it either.

Precisely what I thought. Or, the ex-daughter-in-law presumably had more of a relationship with your boyfriebd's family than you do. If my husband and I divorced, it would not change the fact that my father in law is a good man who I love and admire greatly. Regardless if my husband has an updated piece of arm candy.

Referring to the OP as "arm candy" is super judgmental and rude.

She is not referring to the OP, she painted an imagined scenario with her husband and his potential "arm candy".

She was describing the situation OP is in, putting herself in the position of the ex-wife. She essentially did call OP as the new girlfriend 'arm candy'. It wasn't really called for.