Sex, Weird and Intimacy: Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning...

By SadExperiment - 30/10/2012 00:42 - United States - Claremont

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 729

You deserved it 3 344

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Same thing different taste

Smells like…

By Anonymous - 05/09/2024 16:00 - Canada

Today, and for the past week, my apartment has had a terrible smell, and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. After tearing the place apart, I discovered the culprit: an old banana peel in my purse. I’d been carrying it around with me everywhere, including to work, and on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 532

Fragrant

By nooneinparticular - 21/05/2020 08:00

Today, I realized that I get turned on by my girlfriend's perfume. My mother started using the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 187

By evomadrid24 - 17/06/2011 00:33 - United States

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 122

You deserved it 10 275

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 640

You deserved it 6 665

By Anonymous - 18/03/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 193

You deserved it 4 001

By Jaws - 10/02/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 776

You deserved it 38 591

Territorial

By creepy af - 01/07/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend to wait at my new place for some furniture to be delivered. When I got the notification on my phone, I checked the cameras and saw her pressing her sweaty armpits against multiple surfaces. When confronted, she said she was using pheromones to “mark her territory.” WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 221

By Anonymous - 04/11/2014 02:39 - United States - Baraboo

Today, my loving fiancé informed me that my new perfume makes me smell like a urinal cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 592

You deserved it 5 540

By LinaLinaYeah - 09/12/2011 16:26 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 872

You deserved it 28 499

By potassiumgirl - 11/04/2012 19:53 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 058

You deserved it 38 886

hotshot2626 9

Tuesday 30 October 2012 8:47

Am I the only one wondering how someone goes about conditioning another person to be turned on by the smell of bananas?

CrissyyyS2 22

Tuesday 30 October 2012 8:46

Bananas for bananas, makes sense.

Comments

mintypoison 22

Saturday 3 November 2012 4:28

Ah, the joys of conditioning. c: Have fun with that OP!

KN7x13st7 6

Saturday 3 November 2012 12:57

Lol love Pavlov's Classical Conditioning

Corgidan 12

Sunday 4 November 2012 0:21

Simply condition yourself to not be turned on by bananas; the conditioned response should go extinct eventually.

toofacedaddict 4

Sunday 4 November 2012 6:21

Watch out!! She's going bananas!!

cdelton22 3

Friday 9 November 2012 1:35

Hmmmm....

sonny234 0

Friday 23 November 2012 0:38

Who the **** eats 5 bananas a day?

TawnyAnarchy 7

Monday 7 January 2013 12:12

Bananas? Weird.

flashback_fml 14

Saturday 22 June 2013 22:36

And how has she been doing this?

J483 12

Sunday 22 February 2015 3:32

This is the best thing I've ever heard - I'm truly sorry though.

daemonsparta 16

Friday 24 April 2015 10:45

...why bananas?

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, I noticed a flashy car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 623

You deserved it 42 685

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 444

You deserved it 3 015

The Top

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 459

You deserved it 3 076

Today, while at the drive-thru at Sonic, they told me they were out of mozzarella sticks. I shed actual tears. I’m not even pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 1 241

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she'd cheated on me with my best friend. I can't get mad at her, because I cheated on her with him before she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 987

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 677

You deserved it 3 720

Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 411

You deserved it 3 182

Today, my company let me go after 3 months. A day before my wedding and with zero advance notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 393

You deserved it 1 616

Same thing different taste

Smells like…

Fragrant

Territorial

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