By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 12:51 - Netherlands

Spicy
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 986
You deserved it 8 335
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Comments

thiscrazything 1

Did your friend put it in the "skills" section, or is it a "hobby"?

36 4
Feared 9

28- there are a couple factors that determine whether something is a skill, a hobby, or both. In order for it to be strictly a skill, OP must be talented in the realm of masturbation from much experience, but doesn't enjoy it. If it is only a hobby, than OP just enjoys it, but would fail miserably against someone in a contest. Or OP, like many people, masturbated a lot because they like it, and this experience gains skill. It probably would have been safer for his friend to write "I'm lonely" in the "about me" section.

20 57
s0m3guy2010 21

Did other skills include being a master debater or a master baiter? Politics or fishing may be your thing!

35 1
enonymous 8

What kind of job are you looking for? My regular guys rates went up and I'm looking for someone with that skill set at the right price

39 0
JurassicHole 5

42 - Way to kill a joke.

28 3
u002764 3

I hope op was banging his bf's wife while out of work for 2 months.

7 8
xStaciexLynnx 15

42- Your definitions were so far from being correct. You can enjoy something you're skilled at and you can be great at a hobby... Also, it was a resume not a Facebook profile. There is no 'about me' section.

19 0
Jaxx66 21

42- That is entirely untrue. You can have a hobby you enjoy and win some sort of contest at it because you are very good at what you like doing. And I don't see any reason why you can't enjoy a skill you use at the workplace. Also, the whole resume is an 'About Me' section. Your skills, training, previous jobs and reasons why you quit or were terminated.

8 0
fadingfaith 4

He clearly put it in the skills section. -_-

0 0
Redoxx_fml 22

Too busy masturbating

137 1
TourettesGuyFTW 25

Your friend is a piece of shit. YOU are also a dick for not noticing sooner. Someone with a sense of humour might offer an interview, if they are looking for attention to detail in a candidate..

2 38
Ray_of_midnight 22

He went blind from masturbating too much.

6 8
The_Troller 14

^ I'm pretty sure that's not possible. Unless, of course, OP has really bad aim.

21 3
missyj0 12

I ******* love Minecraft.

3 11
loveurlifeJK 5

Your friend sounds awesome. 8D

87 9
choshaki 8

4- you look like the Emo version of Miley Cyrus to me. (I read your profile I'm sure you are not Emo...)

33 5
Isaac_The_Man 0

21- I hate ****** like you.

0 0
kisaka 2

Well hey, it could still get you a job! Maybe not one you especially wanted, but.....

73 0
TheDrifter 23

It could be a valuable skill for assembly line jobs. Toned arms and dedication to repetitive actions. It's all in finding the right hr person to explain it to.

29 0
AlaskanEskimo34 0

Prostitute....male or female OP would be amazing, especially at handjobs.

2 9
neverdrinkSODA 12

yeah I don't think many employers are looking for that

47 1
cja101 8

Unless its for a job in the **** industry.

10 3
SpruceDread4578 13

If that's the case, 6 would be great for the job. Those abs are like cheese graters!

0 0
marzipanimal 15

Didn't you bother rereading it before two months because you weren't getting a job?

72 3
iamyummylicious 14

*gasps* HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF COMMON SENSE! That's a forbidden magic! DEVIL'S WORK!!! You're going to hell! EVVVVVIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL

57 3
wisese 0

This person is making so many job-seeking errors. You aren't supposed to use a one-size-fits-all resume. Tailor your resume for every job you apply for. And ALWAYS review it before sending out. Common sense isn't that hard. This is SUCH a huge ydi.

15 1
iamyummylicious 14

WHAT IS THIS WIZARDY YOU SPEAK OF?! COMMON SENSE... UGH, STOP IT. YOU EVIL VILE CREATURE! PREACHING SUCH BACKWARDS TEACHINGS! WE WON'T STAND FOR IT! HEATHENS! ALL OF YOU!!!

6 10
abbybailey204 19

There's nothing wrong with bragging about it 2 ur possible employer

6 29
TheZee 12

Good luck getting a job in the future with that kind of thinking 0.0

14 1
ss_20_xx 14

Yeah? Well I'm definitely happy about not being your employer.

7 0
stevenJB 25

After every hand-in look back over it and look for honest potential improvements or modification. I dont like it when people don't make sure everything is in order

15 4
kooochris1995 14

Well is it one of your skills? Cuz if it is, then you are just applying to the wrong jobs.

29 1