Intimacy: Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation"...

By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 12:51 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 987

You deserved it 8 335

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Same thing different taste

By mareecasellafml - 27/03/2015 09:51 - Australia - Belrose

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 431

You deserved it 4 248

By fuck you, tasha - 24/08/2014 21:50 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 275

You deserved it 8 642

By waitingformyfoodstamps - 24/01/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 8 394

By fuckel4 - 01/07/2016 20:12 - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 527

You deserved it 5 330

By sam - 26/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I realized I sent over 2 dozen job applications with my dating profile word doc instead of my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 3 634

By Anonymous - 22/09/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 094

You deserved it 53 012

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 22:03

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 272

You deserved it 242

By Almostfunny - 16/03/2011 13:01 - United States

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 354

You deserved it 52 243

By KayIsKiwi99 - 29/08/2016 19:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized after turning in my resume to over 100 job openings over the past month, that the resume I've been submitting does not have my phone number or any other contact information besides my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 378

You deserved it 16 213

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 06:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 526

You deserved it 7 101

PiErC3 0

Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:32

u should kick ur best friends ass

KMtheDrummer 6

Tuesday 13 March 2012 15:34

How do you not notice that in 2 months?

Comments

LulusLemon 8

Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:19

YDI for not proof reading.

Demille 0

Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:47

You should draw a big dick on his forehead

BobbieH 19

Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:52

YDI, you should proof you resume and write individual cover letters for each job you apply for. If it was important to you, you should put in the effort and attention to detail.

FMLsOhilarious 6

Tuesday 13 March 2012 19:52

So who are you blaming, your best friend? Because it seems like it's your fault to me. You should be responsible for checking your own resume. YDI.

davymac718 4

Tuesday 13 March 2012 20:19

I'm sure that "masturbation" was replaced over " excellent proof reader"

agreedtodisagree 4

Tuesday 13 March 2012 20:48

Totally off-topic here, but I really like Justin Bieber.

davymac718 4

Tuesday 27 March 2012 23:00

Suck a dick!

desireev 17

Tuesday 13 March 2012 20:38

Yeah, nothing says 'Good one, Buddy!' like sleeping around with your best-friends' girl!

Senseless_487 29

Tuesday 13 March 2012 20:41

When did that become awesome? The only time a guy should watch that is if he has a six year old daughter who watches it.

groupleader 7

Tuesday 13 March 2012 20:41

So it's a lie? No wonder you haven't been hired.

agreedtodisagree 4

Tuesday 13 March 2012 20:46

Your friend sounds like a bitch to me.

davymac718 4

Tuesday 27 March 2012 23:01

You ******* suck!

BaconBoy75 2

Tuesday 13 March 2012 20:51

While I know this must be frustrating, it is nonetheless pretty funny. I can only imagine the looks on HRs' faces when they read that. But good luck on finding a new job.