Health: Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother... - FML

By crazyk2468 - 26/04/2012 17:29 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 740

You deserved it 2 579

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Same thing different taste

You're barred

By sarahhbear - 17/11/2012 06:42 - United States - Bryan

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 129

You deserved it 3 199

Jeremy?

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 22:00

Today, I shat myself in the middle of Walmart. It dripped out the bottom of my pants till i made it to the restroom, which was on the other side of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 266

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 504

You deserved it 8 800

By firegirl - 05/07/2018 15:00

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 916

You deserved it 373

By wantontsu - 11/09/2010 18:59

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 714

You deserved it 3 635

You need more fiber

By Anonymous - 30/04/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 110

By aswamk - 19/12/2015 05:01 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 991

You deserved it 1 714

Stuck

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 21:56 - United States - Hermiston

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 435

You deserved it 3 269

Volcanic

By poopshooter101 - 30/06/2009 11:53 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 767

You deserved it 9 343

Next

Top comments

Jf770 10

Thursday 26 April 2012 22:43

Have fun with that.

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

Thursday 26 April 2012 22:44

That must of hurt. I'm guessing it would be like a boulder going through a straw.

Comments

BryanThaMan 14

Friday 27 April 2012 1:04

Gotta love the stuff that happens at Wal-Mart

mattscott 5

Friday 27 April 2012 1:19

Only at Walmart.

DiscoDave 5

Friday 27 April 2012 1:57

Where else but Walmart

hilary56 0

Friday 27 April 2012 2:03

That's hot ;)

Crystal55621 19

Friday 27 April 2012 2:19

.....No it's not.... And don't ask how I would know. O.O

yellowpoop123 1

Friday 27 April 2012 2:29

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA.

froggeh 4

Friday 27 April 2012 3:34

you are now an official walmartian

perdix 29

Friday 27 April 2012 4:18

Well, that approach is both organic* and hole-istic. *If you're into Cleveland Steamers, blumpkins, Dirty Sanchezes and the like, that should read "orgasmic."

worldclassrager 39

Friday 27 April 2012 5:10

Whatever works...

ouchie1013 0

Friday 27 April 2012 6:01

I don't know if I should pick 'you totally deserved it' or ' I agree, your life sucks' it's more of 'that's fricking hilarious!!!!!'

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The Top

Today, out of the kindness of my heart, and so he wouldn't have to spend any money, I gave my ex-boyfriend my login information to my Vudu account. Big mistake. He logged me out of all devices, changed the password, and won't give me the new login information until I give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 701

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 64

The Top

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 712

You deserved it 3 660

Today, I took my dogs to the park and sat in the grass while they played. Within the first half hour two male dogs peed on my back. The first owner apologized and gave me a wipe to clean up while the second one had the nerve to tell me "this is why I bring a chair" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 836

You deserved it 1 506

Today, I was looking at dating profiles with my single friend, trying to find a guy for her, and we found my husband's profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 356

You deserved it 1 850

Today, my 12-year-old daughter is a Nirvana fan, while my 20-year-old son is a Justin Bieber fan. How did that happen? FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 103

Today, I bought a flatpack, easy to assemble cot-bed for my baby. I spent 5 hours building it, but when it was done, I realised I couldn't reach into it because I'm 5ft and my arms can't reach and lift the baby. I'd have to throw him in. I'm suffering from back spasms as a result, and I now need to disassemble and return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 387

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 219

You deserved it 73 487