Kids: Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband... - FML

By how about never? - 19/10/2014 11:22 - United States - San Fernando

Spicy

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 923

You deserved it 5 173

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 10:32 - United States - Levelland

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 806

You deserved it 2 707

Get out

By Lennyr - 28/08/2016 06:36 - United States - Union City

Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 559

You deserved it 1 099

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 292

You deserved it 3 537

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 022

You deserved it 9 495

Family portrait

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 14:00

Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 191

Asshat

By Julissa - 25/02/2021 00:30

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 123

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/08/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 063

You deserved it 16 333

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 04:25 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 898

You deserved it 6 509

Not now!

By Ineedit - 26/02/2010 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 115

You deserved it 2 576

By wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 421

You deserved it 3 070

Next

Top comments

LostMy_Marbles 24

Monday 20 October 2014 0:51

At least he isn't scarred over watching the whole ordeal!

Enslaved 36

Monday 20 October 2014 0:56

Almost as charming as a guy asking the doctor to add a few extra stitches in.

Comments

yassfmfl 5

Monday 20 October 2014 22:15

Congrats on your baby tho ???

RainbowBitch15 11

Thursday 23 October 2014 6:52

My fiancé and I are expecting our son any day now, and when I told him we'll have to wait about six weeks post partum for sex, he said, "What'd your dentist say?" I know he's kinda joking, but yeah... Sorry, OP. Congrats on the baby!

CollegeGirll 2

Thursday 30 October 2014 0:51

Terrible lol. I would've slapped him

CollegeGirll 2

Thursday 30 October 2014 0:48

I would've slapped him lol.

sebassm 12

Monday 1 December 2014 0:02

He sounds awesome

blu42nj 4

Monday 1 December 2014 5:01

The appropriate reply to that is, "Really, Nigga?"

fantasyworld 37

Tuesday 23 December 2014 23:08

Priorities, he has them mixed up.

rocksmith 15

Monday 27 July 2015 8:10

I am a little tired reading this and I thought it said that she gave birth to her first cousin

Unlucky1232 20

Wednesday 27 April 2016 2:55

wait your username. do u think he meant the baby OP?

PsudoAnon 20

Monday 4 July 2016 11:14

Best username ever!

lucasj23 11

Wednesday 14 March 2018 17:25

Your husband sounds like an asshole

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my whole office is treating me like a pariah because I rejected the new guy who has autism. I have a history of being domestically abused so why should I date a guy who, by his own admission, loses his temper easily and attacks people? That’s right, I shouldn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 97

Today, I received a package addressed to me. Excited, I opened it in front of my whole family. Inside was a box of adult toys that I definitely did not order. Turns out, my friend Mike thought it would be hilarious to send it to me as a joke. My grandma's face will haunt me forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 177

The Top

Today, I was talking to my guy friend on the phone. He said, "You sound depressed, I should cheer you up and give you a big hug." Jokingly, I responded, "You wouldn't hug something as gross as me." His response? "You'd be surprised." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 278

You deserved it 44 878

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 469

You deserved it 10 795

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by. The attackers used water guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 077

You deserved it 6 447

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 2 989

Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they'd actually called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 803

You deserved it 47 925

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 017

You deserved it 6 445