Kids: Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband... - FML

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By how about never? - 19/10/2014 11:22 - United States - San Fernando

Spicy

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 939

You deserved it 5 174

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 10:32 - United States - Levelland

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 813

You deserved it 2 709

Get out

By Lennyr - 28/08/2016 06:36 - United States - Union City

Today, I gave birth to my firstborn child. Somehow, my mom and mother-in-law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother-in-law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 571

You deserved it 1 103

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 312

You deserved it 3 539

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 02:13 - United States - Herndon

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 030

You deserved it 9 501

Family portrait

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 14:00

Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 194

Asshat

By Julissa - 25/02/2021 00:30

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 124

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/08/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 067

You deserved it 16 340

By Anonymous - 03/10/2012 04:25 - Canada - Winnipeg

Spicy

Today, my husband spent our entire anniversary sulking because I wasn't up for sex. I gave birth to our first child less than two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 920

You deserved it 6 514

Not now!

By Ineedit - 26/02/2010 17:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 127

You deserved it 2 578

By wifeofafainter - 24/09/2015 06:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant, then he fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 433

You deserved it 3 075

Next

Top comments

LostMy_Marbles 24

Monday 20 October 2014 0:51

At least he isn't scarred over watching the whole ordeal!

Enslaved 36

Monday 20 October 2014 0:56

Almost as charming as a guy asking the doctor to add a few extra stitches in.

Comments

movaa 11

Monday 20 October 2014 1:21

Why would you hit a newborn? That's just rude. ///Sarcasm

kingkevin2001 9

Monday 20 October 2014 1:21

Legitimate life question.

BasedComment 15

Monday 20 October 2014 1:23

You can say she's screwed now.

enddmd 27

Monday 20 October 2014 4:03

No, OP is screwed in about 6 weeks.

KittehFreak 25

Monday 20 October 2014 6:59

If you want to get technical, she's already screwed. Unless she's the next Virgin Mary.

kitten1800 18

Monday 20 October 2014 7:18

No, #54, that's Jane the Virgin

sydneysays 15

Monday 20 October 2014 1:30

Sorry:( congratulations on the baby!

liza1922 7

Monday 20 October 2014 1:31

Not for 6 weeks!!!! Also should be cautious if you nurse the baby. You are extremely fertile when you wheen the baby, found that one out when I was pregnant with my second.

horneyhic 15

Monday 20 October 2014 13:24

That's accually not true most ppl are less fertile when breast feeding. You are not infertile tho so it is still possible

kittymisfit 13

Monday 20 October 2014 2:10

Thank you for breeding with this gem of the genepool.

Niedermayer_20 12

Monday 20 October 2014 2:10

What a Stud. An honest man ladies. Something you girls should admire.

narutoreference 10

Monday 20 October 2014 2:14

Congrats on the baby! Sadly he's being silly at the wrong time or being horny at the wrong time. There is a time and place for sex and intimacy, and this isn't it. At least he enjoys you I guess...

NotABoob 2

Monday 20 October 2014 2:15

You can have sex as soon as you want. My parents were at it again 2 days after. Same with me.

jeepers_1 21

Monday 20 October 2014 6:27

Very, very bad idea. That can cause hemorrhage and internal distress. Not to mention the extreme pain for the woman (even if she had a c-section, things are still tender).

ohSNAPyall 26

Monday 20 October 2014 14:10

Your parents might overshare with you.

yungmumma88 10

Monday 20 October 2014 20:30

Ow! Took me 4 weeks and it was still sore!

AFaye3964 17

Monday 20 October 2014 2:20

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You deserved it 14 208

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You deserved it 4 143

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I agree, your life sucks 52 066

You deserved it 17 856

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I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 303

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I agree, your life sucks 48 479

You deserved it 8 662

Today, I realised how much my family prefer my cousin than me. I love anime/manga, but my family never got involved, so it was very lonely growing up and I was bullied in school for it. Now I'm an adult, my cousin is into it, and they want me to take a interest in her so, "she has someone to talk and isn't lonely." FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 193