Miscellaneous: Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails.... - FML

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By crazyvulva9216 - 27/01/2009 01:17 - United States

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 830

You deserved it 68 945

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Same thing different taste

By anditburnsburnsburns - 27/08/2013 18:13 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I was in a rush, so I was removing my nail polish while using the toilet. Everything was going fine, until I used the toilet paper in my hand to wipe. It was covered in nail polish remover. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 298

You deserved it 20 784

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 432

You deserved it 61 512

By WeldedShut - 03/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was with a wedding party getting manicures. I absentmindedly used a freshly-painted nail to pick my nose and ended up with two beauticians scraping indestructible bright red gel varnish out of my left nostril with acetone soaked q-tips, while everyone sat waiting in complete silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 781

You deserved it 8 279

On the runs

By coloneltushfinger - 12/06/2019 16:00

Today, I did the best at-home manicure I’ve ever had. I took my time and it looked like it was done professionally. As soon as I put on the top coat and waited for it to dry, my stomach rumbled and I had to run to take a dump. The polish smeared everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 373

Taint

By PaintedBum - 11/03/2019 18:00

Today, I was painting the bathroom door post. A drop of paint fell on the toilet roll. Guess how I found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 405

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought this hot pink Chanel nail polish. Bored, she thought it would be funny to paint my nails. I finally gave in and let her paint my toe nails. After she left, my buddy calls to to see if I can give him a ride. I forgot I had a swim meet today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 030

You deserved it 54 364

By ew - 03/08/2014 18:49 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 543

You deserved it 49 998

By nicki - 14/11/2010 17:18 - United States

Today, it took me a full ten minutes to finish on the toilet. I was babysitting at the time, and it took the kids those ten minutes to destroy the kitchen and shave the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 463

You deserved it 8 160

Own it

By psychortiz - 03/06/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 622

You deserved it 16 718

By ohshit - 29/03/2011 00:31 - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 8 368

Next

Top comments

rayray206 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 7:39

did you do a shitty job on your nails? oh how i love puns

GlamorusKaos 1

Wednesday 4 February 2009 10:55

Lmao .... thats funny as hell

Comments

dsime 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 21:51

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL nice one

applecake 0

Monday 9 March 2009 9:51

I did this once! but i gave up and wiped anyways.

tbeaun 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 17:47

Just how substantial a dump was it that it took so long that it bored you?? Might want to ramp up the fiber in your diet.

icy_snake_91 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 21:44

LMAOOO THATS FUNNY.. Don't worry I have done the same thing.. or similar hahahahaha

Zits 0

Thursday 12 March 2009 19:05

Fibercon tablets will clear that right up for ya... now in my case, if only the Beano would work...:'(

onluckiest 0

Monday 16 March 2009 0:28

lmaooo

summer66_fml 0

Wednesday 18 March 2009 2:32

are you serious?? how long do u take while pooping?? u get bored that fast???

urkiddingrite 0

Saturday 21 March 2009 6:34

what kind of crappy nail polish are you wasting your money on that takes a half hour to dry?! try maybelline expess finish if... thats a regular occurance....

MentalElf 0

Friday 19 June 2009 23:03

totally agree... was about to say something very similar - seriously half an hour for nail varnish to dry... thats amazing. you get what you pay for.

moresucksmylife 0

Tuesday 31 March 2009 16:57

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH This made me laugh so much!

Jackthestripper 0

Monday 13 April 2009 8:49

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!11!

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You deserved it 718

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You deserved it 5 729

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I agree, your life sucks 325

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I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 323

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I agree, your life sucks 81 222

You deserved it 4 734

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