Intimacy: Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates....

By Hollywoodanonymous - 31/10/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 3 947

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Puppy Loverr - 25/08/2011 07:12 - Australia

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 4 845

By GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 056

You deserved it 3 517

By LegallyBored - 16/12/2016 21:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, my roommate went away for the weekend so she could hook up with a guy from Tinder that she's never met. This wouldn't be a problem if we hadn't already made plans for my 18th birthday, which is also today. Here's to a night of Netflix with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 993

You deserved it 683

Third wheel

By Anonymous - 19/04/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I was staying over at a friend's house for the weekend. Some girl he knows invited us over to watch a movie. She spent the whole time ignoring the movie and clinging to him, trying to get him to stay, and completely ignoring the fact that I was there and that he was basically my ride. I felt like walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 15:43 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 226

You deserved it 5 909

By girlllll - 01/06/2010 12:31 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 328

You deserved it 5 802

Alexa, play "You'll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties" by Jona Lewie

By Anonymous - 09/10/2009 18:48 - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 686

You deserved it 9 290

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 09:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 152

You deserved it 2 367

By Devin - 02/08/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I went to see a movie with 4 friends. I didn't realize that I was the only one who didn't have a date. The theater row had just enough room for everyone but me, I got to sit in back of everyone else while they were making out in front of me for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 206

You deserved it 5 975

Crazy nights

By Ugh... - 20/07/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 10 079

Godfreyy 2

Monday 31 October 2011 15:13

A jar of peanut butter and you could of had a fun night.

Poetaster 10

Monday 31 October 2011 15:16

Dog: ... Knew I should have brought the bitch from down the hall... This guy is never gonna put out- FML

Comments

3RR0R404 0

Monday 31 October 2011 15:38

Grammar nazis should have been here by now...

Savra_fml 17

Monday 31 October 2011 15:50

There is at least one more error.....

GrammarNazzzzzi 6

Monday 31 October 2011 18:11

Todai is our of day, we doesnt work in hollowin... So has fun u guys!

crymore007 11

Monday 31 October 2011 18:55

20-Everyone but I** If you're gonna be a bitch at least do it right ;D

every1luvsboners 11

Monday 31 October 2011 15:43

As a professional dog sitter I can tell you from experience that it's only weird the first five times. Once you get over that first little "hump" and get a couple under your belt, it's all fun and games. Enjoy yourself and relax, he'll be done before you know it. A word of advice. If you wear a flea collar around your ankle it'll protect you from all the pesky critters.

DQEight 8

Monday 31 October 2011 17:07

You stay away from my dogs lol

_Vamp_ 9

Monday 31 October 2011 18:39

So many thumbs down for such a funny, obviously-not-being-serious comment.

number0 8

Monday 31 October 2011 15:46

Please, OP, make more grammatical errors! I love not being able to properly read FMLs.

leadman1989 15

Monday 31 October 2011 15:48

Like a good piiiiimmmmp Dwyane Barns is there... with a hooker!

Quasar55_fml 18

Monday 31 October 2011 15:54

Well sometimes you can't afford to be picky

Quasar55_fml 18

Monday 31 October 2011 15:56

Well sometimes you can't afford to be picky

perdix 29

Monday 31 October 2011 16:00

So, why you gotta cockblock the dog? You've got nothing else going on.

thefaced 0

Monday 31 October 2011 16:06

Why don't you let it mount you?

Savra_fml 17

Monday 31 October 2011 16:17

Really? You let dogs mount you regularly or just on movie nights?

DocBastard 38

Monday 31 October 2011 16:31

Yes, but a dog licks its ass and then licks your face. Every1luvsboners usually has to pay his hooker $50 before she'll do that. Oh, and you can't **** a dog. Well, I can't. Maybe you can.

Cmdr_Shepard 17

Monday 31 October 2011 16:32

It doesn't really sounds like a "relaxing night" if you were jealous the whole time that you didn't have a girl, not to mention the horny dog. But i know exactly how it feels to see all the guys with girls and you're forever alone. Feels bad, man :( Hopefully, this will push you to go find a woman.