Animals: Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend,...

By OnlyAvailableID - 08/02/2015 08:35 - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 072

You deserved it 3 682

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Same thing different taste

Golden shower

By Anonymous - 08/11/2019 03:00

Today, I had my first golden shower. Too bad it was from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 390

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 159

You deserved it 339

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 6 496

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 494

You deserved it 4 510

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 998

You deserved it 10 554

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 144

You deserved it 482

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 321

You deserved it 645

By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 16:04 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 481

You deserved it 5 835

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 514

You deserved it 4 197

By littlespoon - 04/02/2010 08:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 459

You deserved it 3 567

kingkobrastrikes 13

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:05

two ******* at one time... you're a champ!

keithsbooty 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:03

You can call that a devil's threesome ...

Comments

FemskyD 26

Monday 9 February 2015 0:07

Theres a first for everything xD

Evfan101 13

Monday 9 February 2015 4:05

I hope he was declawed?

shfs2010 4

Monday 9 February 2015 4:54

The cat got you off huh

Eleora 19

Monday 9 February 2015 5:01

I laughed harder than I should've, when I read this. lol

TADspace 30

Monday 9 February 2015 6:01

At least it wasn't an old man at Subway.

Nicholle2762 11

Monday 9 February 2015 6:20

**** blocked by another pussy.

this_ghetto 16

Monday 9 February 2015 6:42

Lmao

burritopizza 3

Monday 9 February 2015 7:23

at first I thought this was going to be an epic story..and then I remembered this is FML

causeforalarm 6

Monday 9 February 2015 19:12

On the brought side, the cat doesn't have nut allergies. That's one of the few times when a swollen pussy is a no go.

jkjorn 16

Monday 9 February 2015 19:25

Your username should've been Claude Balls.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 329

You deserved it 6 125

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 315

The Top

Today, I told my father I'm going to a club with a friend and staying the night at my friend's place. He asked for my friend's name, number, and address so he knows where I'll be. I'm 30 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 527

You deserved it 6 561

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 897

You deserved it 8 334

Today, I had the most amazing lesbian sex of my life with this girl I had been crushing on for so long. Today is also the day I became practically homeless, courtesy of my parents, who apparently never heard of knocking before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 349

Today, it seems that my punishment in life is having to live and sleep 5 feet away from the girl I've loved since the 6th grade (I'm 37 now), and rather than tell her this, I'd rather just preserve our friendship and suffer in silence. I'd even venture to say it's a reason for my failed marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 1 512

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 268

You deserved it 1 546

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 154

You deserved it 5 192

Same thing different taste

Golden shower

Sick move, bro

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