Health, Sex, Facebook, Social Media and Intimacy: Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I...

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 391

You deserved it 66 777

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 705

You deserved it 12 048

By rindawg - 20/01/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 107

You deserved it 7 145

By jimmy - 19/08/2011 21:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 176

You deserved it 4 530

By lice - 28/03/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 421

You deserved it 14 000

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 2 131

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 391

You deserved it 8 830

By screwed. - 03/02/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 415

You deserved it 45 617

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 182

You deserved it 7 769

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 378

You deserved it 352

Life's a beach

By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 155

You deserved it 6 016

kracker9017 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 21:33

I heard stabbing them with a fork was the most effective approach

coolness_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 21:30

checking his messages isnt creepy stalker ex gf type shit

Comments

thepokeduck 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 0:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

earthruler 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 0:45

Yea just to let you know, condoms dont prevent crabs or herpes in any way. They are transferred through skin to skin contact

zac12345 0

Tuesday 16 March 2010 18:26

she realizes it, thus the hope, which I'm assuming means that it wouldn't matter but it helps for children and all. learned context clues in 2nd grade amirite?

grobo555 0

Saturday 7 May 2011 1:37

"Hookups with strangers are okay," if you're a *****.

HenryFBP 0

Monday 3 October 2011 4:06

Do you even ******* know what crabs are? I mean, holt jumping fuckballs, I'm twelve and I already know that condoms don't protect against crabs.

subiedude08 17

Friday 1 November 2013 8:59

Your an idiot you can still get crabs even if u have a condom on

Crimson_Summer 10

Monday 14 July 2014 12:52

#113 Yes, but it's less likely if it was used correctly. 'The only 100% preventive method is abstinence!' xD

fknhoe 16

Sunday 6 March 2016 3:56

#113 you're* hate to be that guy but you're a tad hypocritical :)

2random 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 11:08

i hope u catch everything , u deserve it !

Soniye 14

Saturday 24 August 2013 10:14

Gee.. I guess everyone must "deserve it and catch everything" for having sex ... Seriously bro (miss) ? Grow up ..

InfiniteSecret 20

Tuesday 15 August 2017 11:34

They deserves it because they went through the persons phone without their knowledge or consent

Miss_Whipped 43

Saturday 4 April 2015 2:56

Not necessarily, but she did screw the guy and then go through his facebook messages afterward. She should've at least had a conversation with him about it beforehand and also respected his privacy.