Health, Sex, Facebook, Social Media and Intimacy: Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I...

By DDD - 31/01/2009 15:04 - France

Today, I had sex with a guy. As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages and saw that he sent a message to one of his buddies, asking what kind of lotion helps get rid of crabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 392

You deserved it 66 780

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By acw2110 - 20/02/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 711

You deserved it 12 049

By rindawg - 20/01/2009 03:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a nice seafood dinner where we had some great crab legs. Later tonight we drove down to the beach and started messing around. He started touching me... with his hands still covered in salty crab juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 107

You deserved it 7 146

By jimmy - 19/08/2011 21:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with crabs. I lost my virginity to my wife, and have never had sex or any sexual contact with anyone but her in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 180

You deserved it 4 530

By lice - 28/03/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open bottle of pubic lice shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 425

You deserved it 14 000

Kinky Crab

By Robert Herrin - 14/08/2018 18:30

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 2 131

No. Just… No.

By none - 22/08/2013 04:27 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 394

You deserved it 8 832

By screwed. - 03/02/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 418

You deserved it 45 621

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 12:08 - Australia

Today, I slept over at my boyfriend's house and he offered to give me a massage, as he'd found a book on sensual massage and wanted to test it out on me. When he went to the bathroom, I found the book open on his desk- at "Massage to eliminate cellulite". FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 186

You deserved it 7 769

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 380

You deserved it 355

Life's a beach

By Brittanyy_leigh - 17/12/2009 07:57 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 157

You deserved it 6 018

kracker9017 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 21:33

I heard stabbing them with a fork was the most effective approach

coolness_fml 0

Monday 16 March 2009 21:30

checking his messages isnt creepy stalker ex gf type shit

Comments

jgars575 0

Thursday 14 May 2009 13:45

maybe he thought you had crabs and messaged his friend afterwards...i mean if his fb page was open for you to check his messages it would have had to have been opened recently. either that or you hacked his page, which is just ******* creepy

kopboy1 0

Wednesday 5 January 2011 9:55

exactly what I thought

redshoe962 0

Friday 15 May 2009 6:06

could be worse...he could have asked his friend about HERPES! besides, why are you having sex with random people?? that is so dangerous!

etherealjoy 0

Saturday 16 May 2009 16:06

thats what you get when you act like that, hun

lolololcheese 0

Friday 22 May 2009 21:49

hahha #11, that's hi-larious.

jdkfgkjdfb 0

Thursday 11 June 2009 1:59

"Today, I just had sex with this random guy."—YDI "As he was sleeping next to me, I checked his Facebook messages"—YDI again Not checking to find out these sort of things first—YDI yet again

DeafChef 0

Friday 3 July 2009 5:43

did you seriously just spell "sleeping" wrong?

tranekfny 0

Monday 13 July 2009 22:43

hahahahaha u deserve it.

Onkwehonwe 0

Friday 17 July 2009 4:21

a) don't sleep with random people b) don't read his messages

sherryterry3 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:09

Wow. Serves you right for sleeping around. I am sure your mother is proud of you and your ****-abouts. Have fun trying to get rid of your much deserved crabs!!!!