Love: Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy....

By Lauren - 20/08/2012 03:53 - United States - New Market

Today, I had to bail on yet another date with an awesome guy. Every time I make a date, my hateful mother slips laxatives into my food so I'm glued to the shitter until 2am. This is the fourth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 692

You deserved it 4 178

Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Revenge is sweet

By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 22:03 - Iceland - Akranes

Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 261

You deserved it 27 805

By shithappens - 31/03/2019 14:00

Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 259

You deserved it 684

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 560

You deserved it 5 933

Paranoid

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 18:12 - Australia

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 558

You deserved it 2 947

By crawfo - 31/08/2009 13:54 - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 335

You deserved it 12 071

Nerves, dear?

By First date - 30/03/2021 02:00

Today, on my first date with a guy I really like, I threw up not once, not twice, but three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 150

Trading places

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Bremerton

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 639

You deserved it 2 856

By TheHeirofTime - 15/08/2016 15:11 - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 255

You deserved it 1 735

Maybe he's into that...

By pissypants - 25/11/2017 19:00

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 3 528

Brilliant

By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 630

You deserved it 2 039

giantsfan2010 23

Monday 20 August 2012 9:01

Don't tell her?

myth454 2

Monday 20 August 2012 9:02

You haven't caught on yet? Just don't eat the food.

Comments

fryebaby623 14

Friday 13 November 2015 8:02

don't eat before your next date or better yet dont tell her you have one

alitairi 18

Thursday 3 December 2015 21:15

you deserve it for not being more careful that this doesn't happen.

thor21mjolnir 13

Friday 26 February 2016 6:23

ill go on a date with you?

daffyduck16 25

Saturday 21 May 2016 10:15

This is crazy. Not sure why you would keep telling your mom about your dates if she keeps giving you laxatives. To each their own I guess.

KrazyKatz3 26

Saturday 5 August 2017 12:17

Start cooking for yourself before dates?

marthamydear23 9

Saturday 5 August 2017 19:29

so don't tell her? and don't eat her food?

Kara_araK 24

Thursday 7 September 2017 22:34

Um, that is insanely psychotic.... Maybe give her a number for a psychologist next time you have a date

esa_wicked 8

Monday 23 July 2018 0:37

That’s illegal.

gmanxx 9

Saturday 25 August 2018 18:19

you need to have a serious talk with your mother

shannon2348 14

Tuesday 14 January 2020 6:57

Good god. Stop eating her food. I would have smartened up after the 1st time. ydi

Keywords

Weird Underwear Clothes Miscellaneous Halloween Dogs Animals Cute Awkward Fire First Dates Smells Love Work Scary Phobias Embarrassing Shopping Kids Therapy Health Friends Mental health Am I overreacting? AITA Birthday Poopoo peepee Thief Customers TV shows

The Top

Today, I found out that the "burglar" I caught, punched, and tied up for the cops was actually my wife's secret lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 78

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 3 920

The Top

Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 933

You deserved it 26 592

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, while we changed positions, he shouts, "Power Rangers - It's Morphin' Time!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 930

You deserved it 12 632

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 128

You deserved it 4 595

Today, my dry spell reached the 15-year mark. I've been employed and in shape the whole time, and now I can feel my body wearing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 237

Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 316

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 529

You deserved it 21 743